Jayfeather talk
by mosshadow
Summary: Jayfeather and charactes from other fantasy novels host a talk show. Interviews with other Fics included. Tortures too. Review to send in 'fan mail' or ask for your Fic's to be interviewed! Final EPISODE IS UP!
1. Intro

Hi i'm a new author so can you please review? This is my first fanfic. Flames are fine but at least don't go crazy . Send in fanmail by reviewing. I can perform interviews of your fanfiction too!

Fell: you better review!

Coryn: yeah , please review or I'll yarp a pellet on you!

Mosshadow(me): be nice!

Jayfeather: who cares! Die those who don't review!

Morgra: ditto! Die with flamethrowers and nuclear bombs! I'll burn you in lava and spit you through with a metal stake and dump your pathetic-

Mosshadow: enough!

Morgra: I don't take orders from you!

Jayfeather: actually you do since he's the author!

Morgra: I'll file a lawsuit!

Jayfeather: sigh.....

Fell: I still can't beilieve you're my aunt! I thought aunts had a _life!_

Morgra: Grrrrr....

Mosshadow: let's hope this doesn't end badly.

Coryn: don't worry, Yes we can! YES WE CAN!

President Obama: YES WE CAN, YES WE CAN! I love it when animals catch on to my sayings! YES WE CAN , YES.......

Everyone else except Morgra: Oh boy.

I also write this with Leopeordpool , Bramblepath and Brightclaw, they are my co-authors and editors, special thanks to them!

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Current news: Vote for the Poll ! And episode six will feature Ashfur tortures please review for that!


	2. Episode 1 Pilot

**This is my first fanfic on this site please don't put too many flames**

**This fanfiction is a multiple crossover with characters from the Warriors series, Redwall, the sight , and the Guardians of ga'hoole, it also has guest appearances from Harry Potter and Twilight, though not in this episode. I labled it under Warriors as their my favorite and **

**Episode 1**

**PILOT**

**Author's note: a pilot episode is the first in a series of shows.**

**Note #2: I do not own any characters or book series this is a fan fiction**

**Note#3 : character personalities and traits may slightly differ from their respective books this is a fan fiction. Cluny and Kraar are completely changed for comedic purposes.**

**Note#4 : any comedy or jokes is not meant to put down any racial or ethnic human group.**

**Note#5 Kar is not related to Fell. Jayfeather is jaypaw if you haven't read the later novels. I am calling Ezylryb by his original name Lyze.**

**Note#6: I put in Morgra's and Fell's personalties from the 2nd book as they had a major personality change.**

**If you're sick of this long explanation just skip it and read!**

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The hosts are standing around a table in the middle of the stage. The stage is made of glass and steel, a large TV takes up the entire back portion of the room and is adjoined by 2 black colored walls. The seating area takes up half of the room with a middle isle and a glass covered control room above the main doorway.

Jayfeather: hi welcome to Jayfeather's talk.

Morgra , Yellowfang , Scourge ,Otuhlissa , Twilight :hi !

Cluny: hi, er why am I here?

Coryn: hello!

Matthias: hi !

Kraar(singing obliviously) : "Shot through the heart,(shot through the heart by Bon Jovi)  
And you're to blame  
Darling, you give love  
A bad name. "

Morgra: shut up! By the way if you are reading this please review!

Jayfeather: hello welcome to my talk show and with me are my co-hosts Cluny, Morgra , Rose,Twilight, Yellowfang , Otuhlissa, Coryn, Matthias, and Scourge(frowns). We also have Fell, Bluestar, Lyze, Treerose, and Midnight in the control room.

He indicates an glass panel at the back of the auditorium where the crew is. Treerose is pointing the main camera.

Jayfeather: and by the way Luny, I mean , Cluny is having amnesia , so he is acting a little, well...

Yellowfang: stupid, just stupid.

Jayfeather: (sigh) fine. Have it your way.

Kraar: just like Burger King!

Cluny: wow I like Burger King, whoopers go well with Crystal Meth!

Morgra: wait! Did you just day Meth?

Cluny: oops! I mean... I meant er Pepsi!

Matthias: we really should start.

Jayfeather: let me just finish the intro.

The crowd begins booing.

Jayfeather: anyway we also have our supervisors in the back row ( points to 4 cats sitting underneath the control room in the back of the auditorium.) they are Mosshadow, Leopardpool , Brightclaw and Bramblepath. They also happen to be the authors of this fanfiction under screen names so don't make them angry or they'll erase you from their computer hard drives.

Jayfeather: anyway today for our first episode-

Kraar and Twilight:An angel's smile is what you sell  
You promise me heaven and put me through hell.  
Chains of love got a hold on me  
When passion's a prison you can't break free._BANG!_

Yellowfang: Matthias! Why did you just shoot Kraar with that 12 gauge shotgun.

Kraar(weakly): I see a light.... it is bright... I like bright things....

Morgra: thats the stage lights!

Kraar: ligggggghhhhhhhhht........

Matthias: I can't stand Bon Jovi(puts shotgun back underneath the table) or Morgra's little servant.

'Hurry up' says Fell into Jayfeather's ear piece from the control room.

Kraar: arghhhhhh, I feel as if.... I will go into to a different world.... and become ….... .

Scourge: (bites Jayfeather) hurry up you little worm.

Yellowfang: don't you talk to him like that you little piece of crow food!

Morgra: come on, it'll do no good if we argue. (Scourge slashes her with his claws) Ouch!

Scourge: I don't fear anybody even some stupid wolf like you!

Morgra use the Sight to hurl Scourge into the electronics that line the ceiling.

Scourge: ack ! ( his claws snag a high voltage wire) I'll rip these stupid strings then I'll rip up you.

Jayfeather(turns around): what strings? NO not those!!!

_ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!! ARGHHHHH!_ A charred Scourge falls 15 feet to where he previously was beside Morgra.

A censored black box appears over him due to it's graphic nature .

Coryn: wow he was toasted like a pop tart.(begins eating a strawberry pop tart that appears out of nowhere.)

Lyze(in the control room): now turning off lights 4 through 10. I hope this is the right button.

Jayfeather: sure.(addresses crowd) sorry about that interruption.

Scourge: I see a light... no wait it's mommy! Don't beat me mommy!

Kraar: light? I see Morgra? Ahhh! Don't hit me with that rock. Ack !!

Yellowfang: they're becoming delusional.

Morgra: rock? I never beat you with a rock! That was your dad!

Yellowfang(eyes bulge with shock): please stop talking, you are mentally scarring me.

Kraar:"Those who are dead are not dead ( 42 by coldplay)  
They're just living in my head  
And since I fell for that spell  
I am living there as well  
Oh.. "

Jayfeather: someone get them off stage.(talks into mike) Anyway today we are interviewing Tsarmina from Redwall about her 'water problem'.

A Janitor comes and wheels Scourge and Kraar out. The Janitor happens to be Methuselah.

A door in the back opens and Tsarmina the wildcat comes out followed by her brother Gingervere.

The crowd claps

Jayfeather: hello Tsarmina.

Tsarmina: hello. Where am I ?

Jayfeather: this is a fanfiction and today we are talking about your water super phobia.

Tsarmina(hysterical): WATER!! WHERE ! WHERE ! IT'S COMING IT WANTS ME TO DIE !!!

Morgra: and we all thought Bluestar was the crazy cat!

Yellowfang: that's mean !

Morgra: I am mean, deal with it!

Fell(from control room): seriously you could be a little nicer!

Jayfeather:( coughs very loudly into mike) There is no water here Tsarmina.

Gingervere: I don't think it will work. My sister is a complete spoiled brat and psychopath. Did I mention she tried to kill me and murdered our father?

Yellowfang : we all read MossFlower. Because the author forced us.

Tsarmina: you!(points at Morgra) comfort me! And you (points at Cluny ) groom my fur!

Morgra: the First Wolf does not take orders from the likes of prey like you!

Jayfeather: Anyway why are you so afraid of water? We all need it to live.

Cluny: is soda made of water ? I like soda!

Matthias: I am sure you do.

Otuhlissa: his taste receptors seems most unusually tuned to sweet high caloric, low macro and micro nutrient rich products.

Coryn: Hoolian please!

Tsarmina: Water! Water you say! Alas it is the most sinful of all! It destroys and corrupts , manipulates and tortures.....

Yellowfang(interjects): just like Morgra!

Fell(control room): don't remind me.

Jayfeather: please shut up, the control crew isn't supposed to be talking over the PA system, use our ear pieces.

​ Tsarmina: …. oh and how it ravaged me ….

Yellowfang: I bet Brightheart talks that way about dogs. Ironically we all revere water , all except her.

Gingervere: so beautiful , (suddenly raises voice) yet so- idiotic-dysfunctional-retarded-murderous-stupid-clueless-...... why , why me (starts crying uncontrollably).

Cluny: er ye want a tissue?(hands a tissue box from under the table.

Cluny: I wonder what else is under there? (looks underneath the table and begins pulling out things into a pile behind her,) Wow! A machine gun, tennis racket, Bernie Madoff cartoons , gum! And whats this? There is a word on it. It spells B-A-Z-O-O-K-A I wonder what it is, doesn't look too dangerous though, not like it fires huge projectile that can destroy buildings. Lets see what is next......

Meanwhile.....

Tsarmina: and water burns and pollutes that atmosphere....

Coryn: is she talking about America and China or water.

Otuhlissa: Water.

Jayfeather: that's enough...

Cluny: what is this square white object ? It is labeled C4, hmmmm... probaly some more gum.(he tosses the explosive over her back it lands beside Tsarmina).

Tsarmina: I will remove it from the face of this-_KABOOM!_

Tsarmina disappears in a flash and a bang. A small smoking crater is where she was standing.

Gingervere: thanks Cluny, she is a pain in the bleep.

Jayfeather: wow! Congrats Gingervere, you discovered cursing! Well thank you for coming here today.

Gingervere: it was a pleasure getting rid of my sister.

Morgra: ever consider sacrificing her to Wolfbane?

Yellowfang, Jayfeather and Fell : DON'T GIVE HIM ANY IDEAS!

Jayfeather: and now it is time for a commercial break.(he presses a button on a remote that he had been holding).

Commercial Break

"HELLO , I AM BILLIE MAYS, HERE TO BRING YOU OXYFUR!" Billie Mays is standing with a blood splattered Cluny with a spray bottle. "ARE YOU TIRED OF GETTING BLOOD, AND GORE FROM THOSE STUPID VERMIN AND BAD GUYS YOU HACK TO PIECES EVERYDAY? WELL NOW LET ME RESCUE AFTER YOU RESCUE THE WORLD. WITH THE AMAZING POWER OF OXYCLEAN OXYFUR CLEANS DOWN DEEP TO GET RID OF THE WORST STAINS WITH ONLY A FRACTION OF THE WATER YOU USUALLY NEED!" He sprays Cluny with the bottle all over, Cluny winces as it burns his skin and gets into his mouth. Then Mays shoves him into a huge washing machine. "AND THE BEST PART IS HOW EASY AND QUICKLY IT WORKS WITH MINIMAL PAIN AND EFFORT. Behind Mays Cluny is screaming as he is bashed into the walls of the washing machine. A clock in the corner of the room suddenly skips 2 hours and the pixels fritz showing a poorly edited cut."AND IT TAKES 10 MINUTES, MINIMAL HASSEL, NO PAIN, I GUARENTEE IT! Behind him Cluny's mashed up remains floats to the top of the giant washing machine, the water is now tinted a dark red by his own blood. The call to order numbers appear.

Jayfeather: well that was thoroughly disturbing commercial.

The TV in the back of the stage turns on. Gingervere has left and the smoking crater is covered by a tarp. The hosts are beside the table now.

Jayfeather: and now it is time for our advice and questions section of our show where we hear from callers. Where's Cluny?

Twilight: that was a live commercial.

Morgra: I think I would volunteer Slavka for that commercial.

Yellowfang: this fanfiction is really unrealistic , how could we call in ?

Matthias: um Redwall doesn't have Cell phones.

Coryn: and let us see who our first caller is.

The TV shows a number on a blue background.

Caller(wolfish low male voice): hello? This is anonymous.

Jayfeather: hi you're are now live on Jayfeather talk, what would you like to ask?

Caller: well, I was wonder if I could place a question to Morgra.

Morgra: I am not here. And this is not Morgra speaking.

Caller: I know it's you.

Morgra: fine what's the question?

Caller : okay, would you go to Larka and tell her that she is cool and good looking and that you hate Wolfbane and yourself, and then begin cutting yourself in front of Brassa and then beat yourself to death with a metal rod.

Morgra: ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.... who the hell are you! And no I would not say that Larka is cool or go emo in front of my mother.

Caller: ha ha ha, I won't tell you!

Fell(connects to the caller line): is this Kar?

Caller : no it's Tsarr.

Morgra: no you're not, I know Tsarr's voice.

Caller: take a guess! And this is not Larka .

The other hosts and control room members begin thinking with strained expressions except Cluny who has fallen asleep. Morgra gives up and hangs up by pressing a button on Jayfeather's remote.

Coryn: and now to our next caller who probably is cooler.

Caller(Seductive canine voice): hello this is Sela, is Chickenhound in the auditorium? My little son better have eaten that salad or I'll come in there and beat him with this spiked and poisoned chain!

A fox wearing a red and blue mask stands up in the middle of the seating and begins hollering loudly.

Slagar(Chickenhound)(Redwall) : NO ! Never I will never eat that horrible salad, it tastes like rocks .(he holds a box above his head and dumps it. A stream of rocks falls out.)

Otuhlissa: it really is rocks! Composed mostly of iron sulfates and organic sediments.

Sela the caller(Redwall): why you little moron! I coming in there to make sure you eat what mommy gives you!

The line clicks off.

Yellowfang: how does she possibly think she can get in here? We locked the doors from inside.

As if to answer the ceiling explodes from a missile impact and a black hawk helicopter lands in the middle of the stage to the right of the shocked hosts. A vixen in commando equipment and carrying a submachine gun steps out.

Authors note: vixen's are female foxes.

Slagar: NO! You'll never take me alive!!!!! (runs franticly to the doors not knowing they are locked)

Slagar rams into the doors and falls down in surprise as they were locked.

Sela(vixen with the SMG): ha ha come to mommy!!

Slagar: never, you'll never feed me that salad! Never!

He runs to try another set of doors but Sela shots him in the leg with a burst of gunfire and then runs over to him and begins beating him with a cane.

Coryn and Morgra simultaneously: and I thought my mom was bad!

Sela drags Slagar into the helicopter while feeding him rocks. Slagar leaves a trail of blood and uneaten rocks in his wake. The helicopter rises into the sky letting a few 'salad rocks' drop down and the flies off.

Jayfeather: Wow, Redwall characters can be a little weird....

Yellowfang: next.

Morgra: okay, our next caller is Shelhound from Redwall calling from green isle.

Caller: hey I was just watching your show.... I can't believe you morons!( the hosts flinch in surprise) you have a cat as the main host and there is a freaky big fox thing on stage too and Cluny. Why are there cats!! all cats must DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! And big fox things too!

Morgra: I'm a **wolf**.

Caller: talk to the paw! I HATE VERMIN!!!!!!!!! I will kill them all , I love seeing them die !!!!!!!!

Coryn: I never knew otters were psychopathic genocides planners!

Morgra: you don't know a lot of things.( she ends the call)

Yellowfang: people don;t like you very much do they?

Otuhlissa: and now we have -_CRASHHHHHHHHH!!!!!_

The auditorium doors explode and a pale human figure walks in. it's Edward from Twilight!

Jayfeather: security!!

Yellowfang: hey look what he has in his hand. Isn't that Harry Potter's wand?

Ten various animals mostly from Redwall come in with pitchforks

Edward(Dracula accent): I have come to suck you bloods oh, how I love these fat juicy necks. Bwah ah ha hah h hah ha h hah ha ha h haahha h.

Cluny: maybe you need a da cough drops?

Security guard mouse: what are you doing here!!!

Edward: I have come to suck your bloody and take over zis Television show and make it all Twilight muah nuah ha ha ah ahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

He darts forward and grabs the mouse and begins sucking him dry in a second. The audience begins screaming in horror. The guards rush at him.

Fell( goes back to main intercom): oh my Fenris blood sucking grashts do exist! AHHHHHHHHHH!

Edward makes a motion with the wand and the guards shooting him crumple dead.

He extends a palm towards the control room. A huge fire ball erupts from his wand and impacts the glass window and passes through , there is a large boom and the walls surrounding the window explode in a orange flare. He points towards the TV and destroys it with another ball of fire. Shards of glass and molten metal fly across the room. Edward turns ominously to the hosts who are shivering in front of the smoking ruins of the TV.

Meanwhile in the control room.....(switch to third person from transcript.)

"what the hell," cried Treerose the squirrel, " this human guy just killed the guards!"

"hit the ground ," shouted Lyze as he saw Edward launch a fire ball toward them. The crew dropped to the grounds as the fire ball detonated and machinery and drywall flew like shrapnel.

"He broke the coffee machine," noted Lyze calmly despite the flames beginning to form in the smoky room.

"NOOOO! NOT COFFEE MACHINE,"cried Midnight. She walks over and stares at the coffee machine which was a smoking piece of melted black plastic.

"The door, it's blocked!" said Bluestar, who was beside the smashed door. Fell walks over and leaps at it and smashes through with his strength. Lyze flies through into the hallway. Bluestar and Fell grab the Coffee obsessed Midnight and Treerose.

"No more cappuccinos If you behave like this," said Bluestar harshly.

"Okay, now we have to save the rest of the cast," said Lyze," let's leave Midnight and Treerose on the couch , I think they are hurt." Midnight had her fore leg in a twisted position and Treerose appeared to be suffering from smoke inhalation. They were backstage surrounded by equipment and electronics. Looking through a window Lyze spotted Edward advancing steadily , and menacingly on the cast.

"Okay, said Bluestar with Lyze watching Edward behind her, "we need to kill Edward but how?"

"Well how about holy water," suggested Fell.

"And just where do we get that?

"Walmart," piped up a delirious Treerose.

" How bout we shoot him with golden bullets or burn him with a flamethrower?"

"Hmmmmmmm, wait I have it !

"Oh I see, we stick him with something like a stake." they think puzzle about a stake for a few seconds.

Suddenly Fell exclaimed, " I got it !!! we'll that stick that Jayfeather has that gave him the visions, it has a lot of magical energy inside it would surely kill Edward but we need some one with enough magic to use it.'

"How bout you?"

"Well, I am sort of unable to use it....."

"And just why is that ?"  
" Because I'm too evil!" Fell exclaimed, he has a not so nostalgic rush of memories.

"Let's just run out and distract Edward and give the stick to Coryn." Bluestar grabbed the stick in her mouth and motioned with her head for Lyze and Fell to follow her out the door.

Back on screen(switch back to transcript.)

Yellowfang: what do you want with us !

Edward (now stands in front of them). : I want your blood and this show. Ha ha ha h ha! Cough.

Matthias: I will defeat you!!

Yellowfang(steps in front of Matthias): it's madness.

Matthias: Madness? Madness! This is not madness! This is Sparta, er Redwall!!!( shoves Morgra out of the way and runs toward Edward holding a knife from underneath the table.) Tonight, we die, in Sparta! I mean where ever the heck I am !!!!!!!!!

Author's note: that was a Sparta joke from 300.

Edward calmly sidesteps the blow and rips apart Matthias with a huge blue lightning bolt from his wand. Mattias's remains fly in multiple directions. The cameras filming the chaos no longer move with the destroyed control room but still censor what is left of Matthias.

Jayfeather: where our supervisors?

Coryn: they left right before to get dough nuts!

Otuhlissa suddenly pulls out a pistol loaded with a golden bullet and shoots Edward in the stomach. It works and Edward screams and fires a bolt of lightning that misses and arcs into the lights and electronics. They explode in a huge blast of light and fire that falls into the crowd some of whom have evacuated through the door Edward destroyed. Small fires are burning in the isles. Otuhlissa flies quickly above the chaos and dodges Edward's blasts. Bluestar, Fell ,and Lyze appear from the on stage doors.

Fell: Coryn, quickly take Jayfeather's stick and stab Edward with it, it will kill him.

Coryn: uh okay,( he grabs the stick from Bluestar).

Edward spreads both his palms out trying to destroy Otuhlissa. This time raging streams of molten fire pour out amongst white hot lightning.

Morgra : I wish I could do that.

And then Edward jerks forward and stops, he clutches at his chest, at the glowing carved stick that he has been impaled on, Coryn holds on tightly as his magic flows through the stick.

Edward groans and falls to his knees..... and then he explodes in a brilliant light. Coryn and the rest of the crew lay unmoving on the smoky stage..............

Twilight: that was pretty epic......

A few hours later in a different theater.

Jayfeather: I am really sorry about that minor security problem now we shall conclude our show.

Yellowfang: minor? Cough cough.

Every one including the crew and the supervisors are on a different stage. Scourge and Kraar are also there on stretchers.

Morgra: so then it was a pleasure, sort of ,to being with you all for this fanfiction.

Jayfeather: and I suppose that we will be doing things a little differently next time.

Every else: bye.

Mosshadow : good job

Bramblepath: yeah! Good thing you picked the characters Leopardpool!

Leopardpool: thanks!

Brightclaw: yay.

Mosshadow: did you know that Brightclaw's real warriors name is Brighth-(Brightclaw tackles him to the ground before he can say anything.

Lyze: let's go back stage and party!

Fell: and I guess Kraar and Twilight can be our DJ, ha ha .

The crew and cast and supervisors head off stage.

Credits roll...........................................................................

Credits

Author..............................................................................................Mosshadow

Character coordinator........................................................................Leopardpool

Editor1................................................................................................Brightclaw

Editor2...............................................................................................Bramblepath

Redwall; characters: Cluny, Matthias, Treerose and Rose

sight characters: Fell, Morgra, Kraar(annoying isn't he?)

Warriors: Jayfeather, Yellowfang, Scourge, Bluestar, Midnight

Guardians of Ga'hoole: Twilight, Coryn, Lyze, Otuhlissa

Guests : Tsarmina and Gingervere from redwall

**Fell: by the way, underneath this Fic is a box with green lettering, that is for reviews,please click on it because the author wants lots of reviews! so review or I will kill you!**


	3. Episode 2 Radio time!

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**Please Review and send in letters!**

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Author's note: this list is always here

Note #2: I do not own any characters or book series this is a fan fiction

Note#3 : character personalities and traits may slightly differ from their respective books this is a fan fiction. Cluny and Kraar are completely changed for comedic purposes.

Note#4 : any comedy or jokes is not meant to put down any racial or ethnic human group.

Note #5 :

disregard some things from the previous one I changed some stuff

Note#6 Kar is not related to Fell. Jayfeather is jaypaw if you haven't read the later novels. I am calling Ezylryb by his original name Lyze.

Note#7: I put in Morgra's and Fell's personalties from the 2nd book as they had a major personality change.

To look at other similar fanfictions go to project S.L.A.G.A.R or snowfurs fanfictions at sullivanet or b

Note#8: I am sorry if you thought the previous one had a bad ending, I'll try harder.

Today's characters are: Guardians: the full band and Nyra , and Coryn.

Sight and Fire Bringer: Sgorr , Kraar , Fell , Morgra, Slavka

Warriors: Bluestar , Jayfeather, Brightheart , Tigerstar

Author insertions: Mosshadow, Leopardpool , Bramblepath, Brightclaw

Note: they are on the radio instead of on stage.

Announcer: due to technical and insurance problems Jayfeather's Talk will be on the radio today after these short announcements.

Jayfeather: you guys ready?

Bluestar: aren't we on air?

Jayfeather: not yet.

Mosshadow: today I decided to write about the warrior , guardians, and sight characters, Redwall is getting too complicated. No more Scourge and Morgra today! Brightheart is here along with Sgorr and the band !

Jayfeather: no Morgra! PARTY!!

Bramblepath: I'll get the decorations!

Mosshadow: er right.......

a few minutes later….....................................................................................................

there is the sound of a door opening

Morgra: hi, am I missing a party?

Jayfeather: UM NO! Were just laying stuff from storage out to see if we can find some more mikes. Um good thing you , Slavka and Fell are here we were worried that you weren't coming........

Sgorr: AHHHHHHHHHHH!SHE'S GONNA EAT ME !!

Mosshadow: wow a Lion King quote!

Brightheart: DOGS AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

The sound of crashing and various expensive equipment being broken drowns out anything else.

Jayfeather: they won't eat you Brightheart.

Slavka: what is this insubordination ! What weakness ! How dare you- (Mosshadow slaps her)

Slavka: what did you do that for !

Fell: I am hungry (notices Sgorr) Who is this ugly deer?

Sgorr: I am the ruler of the Herla , my soldiers will pathetic creatures like you! Mu ha ha ah ha ha hahah ah ha ….....(slowly stops).

Mosshadow: I regret having you in this fanfiction. Anyone want to try venison?

Everyone: SURE!

Sgorr: um what is this venison you speak of?

All the predators look at him

Sgorr: OH NO!

A few minutes later.....

Morgra: yuck this is the worst deer I've ever had.

Coryn: it tastes like a pile of racdrops!

Brightheart: or crow food!

Leopardpool: at least we didn't try it!

Jayfeather: I wonder if Sgorr has bipolar disorder?

The rest of the cast joins them.

Tigerstar: does any one want to join me in world domination?

Fell: that was random, aren't you going to say hi? Or do you want me to kill you first?

Tigerstar(submissively): hi …..

Bluestar: hi Tigerclaws, still out trying those crazy goals of yours? Sucks that you're dead!

Tigerstar: they'll all be dead when I'm finished with them!(glares at Brightheart and Jayfeather, who shiver)

Soren : are we going to start yet?

Kraar: Twilight, you wanna sing with me?

Everyone else: NOOOOOOOOOO!

Twilight: sure ! Just not yet.

Everyone else: whew!

Jayfeather: it's time to start. Everyone get in your positions.

The show comes on air.

Jayfeather: hello it is 5:45 on a Sunday and this is Jayfeather's talk and I'm Jayfeather.

He goes on to talk about everyone else.

Jayfeather: today we are broadcasting live as a radio show because our studio took some slight damage due to some security problems.

Coryn: SLIGHT! Are you kidding! A crazy fox blew up the roof with a missile and puts bullet holes in the windows just to feed her son lunch, he wasn't even supposed to bring food into the theater. And then a crazy demon vampire from a competing series comes in and breaks the doors , kills the security guards, blows up the control room and our extraordinarily expensive TV and then destroys or burns the rest of the stage and seating area.

Bluestar: don't forget the Huge crater after you stabbed him.

Coryn: and worst of all the author makes a stupid Sparta joke with Matthias and they were off buying donuts , the author also lets Fell and Morgra talk to much! I barely got to say any thing. Morgra's just a stupid old wolf who looks young and Fell is a devil. By the way Morgra, how old are you?

There is a loud _crack_ as Morgra slaps Coryn and a _thock_ as Fell canes him with Jayfeather's stick. Then the sound of someone being beaten up by the ticked off author. That someone is most likely Coryn.

Coryn: argh, I'm still bruised from that explosion in the first episode, why is this author so cruel to me? Why?! Oh why!

Jayfeather: please don't go delirious and start singing.

Coryn: argh.... "twinkle twinkle , little star"......

Nyra: my stupid son , why is the author calling him Coryn he's Nyroc!

Gylfie:it's Coryn's choice over what he wants to be called!

Nyra: how dare you speak to the purest one! A little filthy---_Bang!_

there is the sound of a shotgun, Nyra is no longer able to talk!

Brightheart: Nyra's down! Let's celebrate! I was sick of that little Nazi!

Jayfeather: how bout we just sing a little song, Twilight!

Twilight and Kraar:("Celebrate good times" by kool and the gang)

Yahoo! This is your celebration  
Yahoo! This is your celebration

Celebrate good times,come on! (Let's celebrate)  
Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)

There's a party goin' on right here  
A celebration to last throughout the years  
So bring your good times, and your laughter too  
We gonna celebrate your party with you

Come on now

Celebration  
Let's all celebrate and have a good time  
Celebration  
We gonna celebrate and have a good time

It's time to come together  
It's up to you, what's your pleasure

Everyone around the world  
Come on!

Yahoo! It's a celebration  
Yahoo!

Celebrate good times, come on!  
It's a celebration  
Celebrate good times, come on!  
Let's celebrate

We're gonna have a good time tonight  
Let's celebrate, it's all right  
We're gonna have a good time tonight  
Let's celebrate, it's all right

Baby...

We're gonna have a good time tonight (Ce-le-bra-tion)  
Let's celebrate, it's all right  
We're gonna have a good time tonight (Ce-le-bra-tion)  
Let's celebrate, it's all right

Yahoo!  
Yahoo!

Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)  
Celebrate good times, come on!  
It's a celebration!  
Celebrate good times, come on! (Let's celebrate)

(ad lib)

Come on and celebrate, good times, tonight (Celebrate good times, come on!)  
'Cause everything's gonna be all right  
Let's celebrate (Celebrate good times, come on)  
(Let's celebrate)..

Jayfeather: good job though a little off key. Now we shall go to our fan letters.

Digger: I'll read the first. Here goes

dear jayfeather,

why are you blind?

from,

anonymous

Jayfeather: I don't know.. how should I know. It's not much of a problem until SOMEONE makes a fuss. (Brightheart gets a guilty look)

Twilight; I call reading next!! …....

hi jayfeather,

Are you a slave. If you are i will buy you for $1.99. You are probably on sale.

by, fox in red and blue mask

Jayfeather: what ! That must be that moron Slagar, why send such useless mousedung!

Bluestar: and the next is addressed directly to Morgra and Fell.... hmmmm …..

there is the sound of a letter being passed.

Fell: by the way can you tell the medics to clean up Coryn and Nyra's blood after they send the to the hospital? This room is rather cramped.( there is the sond of an ambulance in the background). Let's see what this letter is about, I hope it's not a bomb.

Morgra : why would it be? Terrorists haven't started attacking works of fiction yet.

Fell: 'Dear, everyone I would you all to know that Morgra is a stalker and child abuser-'

Jayfeather(sarcastically): er right.

Fell:- 'she obviously did various thing to Fell after kidnapping him, no one likes her cause she is barren so she wanted to do various things with Fell-'

Morgra : what sicko wrote this!!!!?

Bluestar: this is getting suspicious , however I think I'll avoid dark alley ways near Morgra....

Fell: let's see what is next, WOW, er... I think I'll skip this rather long and explicit list of things you supposedly did to me and then ' during the second book Morgra stalked Fell for significant amounts of time.....' let's see who wrote this piece of bleep.

Soren: did you just curse on live radio!

Fell (ignores Soren): it is labeled 'you know me and I know you'. By the way Morgra did not do anything like that to me.

Slavka: you sure? Or is it because you don't want to admit it!

Everyone else: just shut up!

Tigerstar: next letter, I hope this is actually family friendly: ' dear stupid' and I'll skip the next word' I hate you all! You fiends murdered Edward! The hottest dude I ever met in my life, because of what you horrible animals and the author did to him I have become emo and I do Marijuana, I also have learned to use a rifle and I shoot animals a lot now , especially cats, wolf and owls.

Signed Bella'

Digger: aren't these people going to give us things that make us feel good about ourselves?

Jayfeather: hmmmm a lot of these letters are labled Twilight fan and down with Warriors, I'll skip those. Hey look one says your most enlightened fan ! Lets read that one ! ' dear Jayfeather and friends, I love you all even Morgra , Fell , Cluny , Scourge , and Kraar I love your show so much. Signed Brassa. '

Fell and Morgra:............................WHAAAAAAAAAAATTTT.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????????????????????

they simultaneously faint with a _thunk!_

Kraar: wow she's nice, I wonder who she is? Not like she's related to them or something.

Bluestar: where is your memory Kraar?

Kraar: what you mean ? I don't know any Brassa?

Mosshadow: bu—u-u-ut?

Jayfeather: stop stuttering and shut up you're not supposed to talk. Maybe it's just too much singing.

Kraar: I don't get it ! What are you talking about!?

Gylfie: I wonder who sent the letter early about Morgra being a stalker, maybe Michael Jackson sent that?

??????: hello little children.

Gylfie: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It's him.

Michael Jackson: hey little girl.

Everyone : AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

----------------------------commercial break---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jayfeather: we're back . Good thing we have a shotgun.

Slavka: he tastes goooood!mmmmmmmmmmmm

Twilight: ahhhh ! Don't eat him!!

Slavka: this is my revenge for my children!

Mosshadow: why are all these weird things coming up on the second episode?

Jayfeather: shut up author! You are writing this!

Tigerstar(chanting): come on eat it , eat it …..

Everyone else slaps Tigerstar and Slavka loudly.

Brightheart: Hey look the next one's from Cloudtail!

Jayfeather: awwwww! Your boyfriend sent you a letter!OW!( He gets slapped)

Brightheart: it reads ' dear cast and crew , I heard you are having Tigerstar as a guest host . I think he needs a good nick name , how bout Tiggy?

Bluestar: I love it!

Kraar: and that was a quote from a purple dragon from a children's television show!

Tiggy: what no way!

Morgra( wakes up):hey look the author changed Tigerstar's caption to Tiggy!

Tiggy: NOOOOOOOOOO! The author is against me. I'll get you Mosshadow!

There is the sound of fighting.

Leopardpool: Don't fight!

--------------------commercial break---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kraar and Twilight:

"U can't touch this  
U can't touch this  
U can't touch this  
U can't touch this

My-my-my-my (U can't touch this) music hits me so hard  
Makes me say,"oh my lord thank you for blessing me  
With a mind to rhyme and two hyped feet"  
It feels good  
When you know you're sown  
A superdope homeboy from the Oaktown  
And I'm known as such  
And this is a beat-uh!  
U can't touch this

I told you homeboy  
U can't touch this  
Yeah, that's how we livin' and you know  
U can't touch this  
Look in my eyes,man  
U can't touch this  
Yo, let me bust the funky lyrics  
U can't touch this

Fresh new kicks and pants  
You got it like that now you know you wanna dance  
So move out of your seat  
And get a fly girl and catch this beat  
While it's rolling  
Hold on  
Pump a little bit and let 'em know it's going on  
Like that  
Like that  
Cold on a mission so fall on back  
Let 'em know that you're too much  
And this is a beat  
They can't touch

Yo! I told you  
U can't touch this......."(you can't touch this by MC hammer)

Soren: okay boys, the commercials are over , now we return to Jayfeather talk radio as we continue to review fan letters, and then at the end we shall show you how to do acupuncture by yourself on a friend or family member, Tiggy, mean Tigerstar has kindly volunteered under the goodness of his heart to be our guinea pig- I mean victim!----- I mean happy test subject ! Yeah that's right.

Tiggy: wait, thats why Morgra and Fell took control of me and made me let you guys tie me to a metal table labeled chainsaw autopsy unit 1 ?! AHHHHHHHHHHHH SAVE ME !!!

Slavka : don't worry Bubo(GGH) gave us this special device called a nail gun to make it faster and less pain full.

Bluestar: however it says do not use on people or animals, I am quite sure they put it there to hide the trade secrets.

Tiggy: NOOOO NOO! You can't do this to me !

Jayfeather: you volunteered.

Tiggy: Fell was controlling me ! He's a demon or a witch or something horrible!

Fell: That hurt!

Gylfie: chillax great leader, just feel the extraordinarily intense- I mean insignificant pain and relax besides were not done with callers and letters yet !

Jayfeather: you just ripped a quote off a PSP game.

Tiggy: I hate you all!

Morgra: hatred justs breeds more hatred.

Fell: you should know that very well, and you just got a quote from another Playstation video game.

Mosshadow(has a large bandage from Tiggy): that was one of my favs.

Twilight: now we have a caller from Iraq.

Bluestar: um Iraq?

Fell: you sure about this.

Twilight: come on I'll put him on.....

Caller: hello is this Jayfeather talk.

Twilight: yes who this?

Caller: this is Achmed the dead terrorist! You want to join my suicide bombing summer camp?

Fell: um no thanks.

Achmed: I KILL YOU AMERICAN!

Fell: I'm not American.

He presses the disengage button.

Slavka: and now we have someone who wishes to remain anonymous.

Caller: hello I am here to give you all some advice!

Slavka: go on fool.

Caller: number one: Coryn, GET A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY! Number 2: Morgra: GET A BOYFRIEND ALREADY!

Morgra: hi Tsinga(sight)

Caller: er wrong person. Number 3 ,Mosshadow , GET A NEW BIKE!

Mosshadow: how did you know I broke my gears and brake pads!

Morgra: damn ! You're Tsinga, admit it already!

Caller(ignores Morgra): number 4 since you're the author Mosshadow if you decided to blow up the studio in the first episode why not just have your characters host the show at your house! Thats what people do when they blow up their character's studios. Number 5- (line goes dead)

Digger: oh well next call.

Caller: hello mu ha ha ha ha h haa.... I am inviting you all to my mansion for dinner! Oh and by the way this is Nyra and Kludd! (line goes dead)

Soren: oh no! Not my evil brother!

Twilight: what! Why does she want us over!

Bluestar: hmmmm, another attempt to destroy the show?

Jayfeather; let's finish up and start on acupuncture.

Tiggy: NOOOOOOOOOO-(Fell knocks him unconscious)

Jayfeather: and here is the final caller....

Caller: why hello, I have come to seek revenge for my brother Edward!

Brightheart: he's scaring me!

Jayfeather: who this?

Caller: muaha ha ha...! I am Eduardo, Edward's long lost brother from Spain!

Fell: mind if I go out for a few minutes?

Bluestar: um okay.

Eduardo: I shall destroy you all with my nuclear missiles that I bought from Wal-mart in North Korea!

Morgra: they sell nukes in Wal-mart?!

Eduardo: si ! North Korea and Russia only! Did you know right now they are selling limited addition nukes ten Euros each with communist pictures! They have Joseph Stalin and Kim Jong-

Soren: we get it !

Eduardo: now I going to push the button , adios amigos! (there is a silence and then) AHHHHHHHHHHH! What the hell is this huge black wolf doing hiding behind the nuke silo! AHHHHH---------- (there is the sound of him being ripped up, the line goes dead)

Fell: I'm back !

Digger: why are you covered in blood!

Gylfie: you should have figured it out by now!

Fell: Spanish people taste weird!

Morgra: hey you got your insignificant little wish from the first book!

Fell: wow I did !

Twilight: you make weird wishes.

Fell: it was more of a conversational joke.

Morgra: did he taste like Tortillas. Usually they taste sugary and -

Bramblepath: we are really off topic!

Gylfie: um how did you.....(trails off)

Morgra: long story, but they taste good! Not too--

Brightheart: sob, sob ahh help me Bluestar, she's so scary! Sob sob , I hate dogs sob (continues sobbing)

Morgra: sorry...

Fell: sorry for bringing up the topic....

Mosshadow: sorry for existing to make this fanfiction where I scare and make fun of you....

Bluestar: sorry for doing stuff that got your face damaged.....

Brightheart: sorry I just overreacting , it just seems so vivid , I just have to let it out sometimes...

Kraar:( what hurts the most by rascal flatts)

I Can Take The Rain On The Roof Of This Empty House  
That Dont Bother Me  
I Can Take A Few Tears Now And Then And Just Let Them Out  
Im Not Afraid To Cry Every Once In A While  
Even Though Going On With You Gone Still Upsets Me  
There Are Days Every Now And Again I Pretend Im Ok  
But Thats Not What Gets Me  
(twilight joins in)  
What Hurts The Most  
Was Being So Close  
And Having So Much To Say  
And Watching You Walk Away  
And Never Knowing  
What Could Have Been  
And Not Seeing That Loving You  
Is What I Was Tryin To Do

Its Hard To Deal With The Pain Of Losing You Everywhere I Go  
But Im Doin It

Brightheart: thanks guys.

Soren: a little to much singing already.

Bluestar: lets crucify- I mean give Tiggy acupuncture.

Tiggy: please save me star clan!

Jayfeather: like they'll save you !

Tiggy: ah fine! SAVE ME JESUS, SITA , GOD, GLAUX!! AHHHHH SOMEONE SAVE ME FROME THIS HALF CLAN BRATS AND CRAZY WOLVES AND BIRDS AND MOST OF ALL THE IDIOTIC FANFICTION WRITER WHO IS DOING THIS TO ME!!!!!!!

Sita appears out of nowhere

Fell , Slavka and Morgra: AHHH ! She's real!

Fell: hey wait Morgra, if you're dead shouldn't you know this?

Morgra: what are you talking about?

Fell: oh right, ghosts deny anything you ask them about the Red Meadow, so annoying!

Sita(sight): hi

Tiggy: save me you ---------------- !

Bluestar: wow he used a word so explicit that instead of bleeping it the author refused to write it!

Sita: can I do the acupuncture?

Everyone: sure!

Tiggy: NOOOOOO! I hate you all. I hope you guys burn in bleep.

Jayfeather: enough cursing or the author will remove you from this story!

Sita: cool nail gun! Can I set it to high powered instead of low?

Fell: sure! And you can use these extra long nails, they're serrated! I'll comment on the procedure to listeners while you shoot- I mean acupuncture, Tiggy!

Tiggy: sob.....

-------------------------------------a few bloody , gory , violent minutes that the author skipped later--------

Tiggy: AHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHH!

Brightheart: I don't think we know what we're doing.

Bluestar: MY TURN

there is the sound of nail gun firing.

Bluestar: oops , I think I missed his leg !

Tiggy: ARGHHHHHHHH! You shot me in the -

Gylfie: let's not go there......

---A few more explicitly violent and wrong minutes that the author skipped---------------------------------

Brightheart: he looks pretty relaxed, I think it's working!

Morgra: that's cause he's dead!

Jayfeather: okay , so there you have it people, er …............. don't use nail guns for acupuncture.

Slavka: just use real guns instead of cheap modified gimmicks!

Soren: that's not how you say it!

Slavka: um it's not?

Sita: bye.

Fell: bye.

Sita leaves.

Gylfie: you were supposed to tell them that anything that ends with gun doesn't work for acupuncture!

Slavka: oops

Morgra: everything to do with you is oops, you're so incompetent.

Slavka: do you want to go with me!

Morgra: it's on!

Fell: aww come on don't start this on live radio!

Jayfeather: let's have a commercial break and then end with a few final comments.

-------------------- commercial break---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jayfeather: and now we're back!

Leopardpool: and Slavka isn't.

Digger: I hope she likes hospital food.

Morgra: actually she's somewhere called the 'morgue'......

Brightheart: that doesn't sound very good.

Mosshadow: continue please.

Twilight: and now one final caller.

Caller: hello can I have Lionblaze here too?

Mosshadow: umm okay.

Lionblaze appears.

Lionblaze: this is a fanfiction isn't it?

Caller: hi Jayfeather, hi Lionblaze, do you remember me

Brightclaw:wait, could it be?

Jayfeather: no ! It can't be!

Caller : I suppose you don't where I am or what I am doing, if you were wondering Ashfur deserved to die he was nothing but fresh kill, one day you'll thank me.

Jayfeather: Hollyleaf , please where are you sister?

Hollyleaf: you don't need to know, I have plans....(line clicks off)

Jayfeather: sob sob....

Bramblepath: er Fell? Wrap it up.

Fell: um and that wraps it up for today, and I guess we will see you next time in Nyra's mansion.... Maybe.

They go off the air

Mosshadow: did you know that Brightclaw: only spoke once during this fanfiction and her name really is Brighth- ack don't bite me !

Brightclaw: grrrrr!

Soren: you okay Jayfeather?

Morgra: it's okay, at least she talks to you.

Digger: did something happen between you guys?

Lionblaze: you don't need to know....

Jayfeather: we might as well go home.....

The end.......


	4. a message

Annoncer: we now interrupt our current program to bring you a message from Jayfeather talk.

The screen blanks briefly......

Mosshadow is standing in an empty white room facing the camera. Jayfeather and Fell are behind him.

Mosshadow: hi fans!

Jayfeather: hi !

Fell: hello.

Mosshadow: today we are interrupting your normal programming before our scheduled fanfic show.

Jayfeather: we need more reviews! Everyone who reads this fan fiction please review so we can tell how many people are reading. You can just review anonymously even if your ae not a member. Just a few words or LOL would be nice!.

Fell: and Twilight the owl is going to have his own spin off where he tortures fools like Nyra and Scourge. It will be under the Guardians of Ga'hoole section!

Jayfeather: and Fell , Morgra and Larka are going to have their own normal fanfiction where they end up in a parallel universe where Larka and Morgra have children and for some reason their ages have changed while Fell, well….. I can't give away the entire plot so you people should read on even if you aren't a Sight fan. It is in the Sight section or soon will be.

Fell: I have a feeling that from the way you are talking I am the bad guy.

Mosshadow: don't worry, it won't be too bad. How ever the antagonist has a r in his or her name!

Fell: okay, then it could be, Morgra , Kraar, Kar , Larka, Huttser........ Wait that's almost everyone!

Mosshadow: just read the story to find out!

Jayfeather: and then we will be having a Oscars styled show for our season finale! It will be episode 16.

Fell: we have nominations for best main character , most evil villain , most good hero, most annoying, favorite overall , favorite Jayfeather talk character. Look in the author's polling area by clicking on Mosshadow and go to the forum and vote so we can announce the final results!

Mosshadow : and that's all the time we have for this commercial , now back to regular programming! Bye!

Jayfeather: bye!

Fell: see you!

Mosshadow: **PLEASE REVIEW! I MEAN IT!**

Fell: Or I'll come and kill you !


	5. Chat rooming!

Author's note: this list is always here

Note #2: I do not own any characters or book series this is a fan fiction

Note#3 : character personalities and traits may slightly differ from their respective books this is a fan fiction.

Note#4 : any comedy or jokes is not meant to put down any racial or ethnic human group.

Note #5 :

disregard some things from the previous one I changed some stuff

Note#6: chat room this time!

Today's characters are: Guardians: Soren and Nyra

Sight and Fire Bringer: Fell and Morgra

Warriors: Bluestar , Jayfeather, Scourge , Tigerstar

Redwall: Martin and Gabool

Authors: Mosshadow and Brightclaw

Chat room!

Mosshadow-moderator has logged on.

Mosshadow: hello, today we will chatting online because our studio is still being repaired from Edward. Okay guys you can log in now.

Jayfeather has logged on.

Purity has logged on.

I-am-not-a-vampire has logged on.

I-hate-bells has logged on.

I-like-killing-people has logged on.

I-have-a-big-sword has logged on.

Brightclaw-editor has logged on.

Soren has logged on.

Satanism-doesn't-work has logged on.

I-want-revenge! Has logged on.

Mosshadow: er ….. why not just log on normally?

Satanism-doesn't-work: you can't tell who we are , thats why! (:

Jayfeather: you're Morgra and Purity is Nyra, the guy who wrote stuff about vampires is obviously Fell.

Soren: the one with the sword is obvoiusly Martin and bells is Gabool since he so insane about killing bells and the last one is Tiggy.

Brightclaw: or Morgra.

Mosshadow: nahh it's Tiggy. And the final one is Scourge.

Jayfeather: everyone log in normally please!

A few minutes later.......

Fell: okay we're all log in normally.

Mosshadow: I also decided to streamline the show by changing the characters.

Bluestar: aka he cut the character list in half because it was to hard to write for so many people.

Jayfeather: time to begin.

Soren: let's start with mail.

Martin: the first letter is from Harry potter. It says, thank you for getting my wand back from Edward. I can make a guest appearance.

Scourge: who is this Pot ?

Bluestar: probably the worlds most popular book character.

Scourge: why not me?

Fell: cause you're evil and stupid!

Jayfeather: even now everyone demonizes you for bedtime stories.

Gabool: bells , bells, bells,bells , bells, bells ,bells , bells, bells ,bells , bells, bells, bells , bells, bells, bells , bells, bells, bells , bells, bells ,bells , bells, bells.

Morgra: stop typing you idiot!

Fell: and they use me for stories too! What did I do?

Morgra: your fur is black.

Fell: sigh

Morgra: why did you type sigh?

Martin: and that's the only letter we have!

Jayfeather: on to callers. The first is McHeath the wolf from the guardians of ga'hoole.

Brightclaw: log him in!

Nyra: Mcheath from the Legends! Yay !

Soren: oh I remember! The stupid *&(*&^%$!

Mosshadow: um right...

Mcheath has logged in.

McHeath: first, can Morgra log off for a sec?

Morgra: WTF?

Jayfeather: fine, log off Morgra.

McHeath: and DO NOT LOOK AT THE SCREEN!

Morgra has logged off.

McHeath: anyway, Fell, I think your aunt is really hot and good looking! Can you hook me up ?

Fell: despite the fact we beat the crap out of you in Torture with Twilight?

McHeath: no hard feelings.

Jayfeather: liar.

Soren: liar.

Bluestar: liar.

Several lines down.

Brightclaw: liar and stupid idiot!

McHeath: fine but I need a mate because everyone left me or got killed in accidents.

Soren: you murdered them!

McHeath: oh come on! Why would I do that?

Soren: besides you're dead! I suppose the wolf god hasn't been pleased with you.

Jayfeather: don't you have a hell to go to?

Nyra: please join me in my quest for purity!

Mosshadow: besides Morgra is barren. Aka infertile!

Morgra has logged on.

Morgra: I heard that! And every one knows McHeath is a playboy! Who goes around getting Drappas and abusing them!

Martin: and that's not a joke. It's the truth.

McHeath: well come on chick, not like anybody else would take someone who is as pathetic as you !

Fell: ARE YOU TRYING TO DIE?

Morgra: WTH you're pushing it!

Mcheath: and you're pushing my patience , take it or leave it!

Morgra: fine! Wink wink!

Morgra has logged off.

Fell: hey, what about Tsarr?!

Jayfeather: what did she mean by wink wink?

McHeath: wow how did you get to the cave of souls so quickly? Bribed spirit immigration? Hey wait why are you looking at me like you're about to kill me ? OH NO!

McHeath has logged off.

Fell: I don't feel sorry for him.

Scourge: and the next guest is-.

Scourge: it appears we have no more guests.

Jayfeather: how about a discussion?

Morgra has logged in.

Morgra: that was an easy kill! LOL!

Fell: SIGH SIGH SIGH.

Morgra: maybe I overreacted.

Soren : let's talk about real world poverty.

Brightclaw: I going to give EVERYONE a big hug!

Mosshadow: NOOOOOOOOOO!

Brightclaw has logged off.

Jayfeather: okay then, how about we talk about the causes of world poverty.

Bluestar: poverty is when people cannot get enough food or have adequate shelter.

Martin: and almost a billion people live on a dollar a day. If you are reading this fanfiction you are among the richest people in the world.

Soren : poverty is usually caused by political problems. Most poor countries have defunct or corrupt government not doing enough to help their people.

Scourge: this is boring why should care about these people! It's their fault!

Scourge has logged off.

Nyra: it's their fault let them rot!

Nyra has logged off.

Tigerstar has logged off.

Fell: thats not true, we should show them compassion.

Mosshadow: a lot of people are in poverty because of exploitation from businesspersons.

Jayfeather: poverty is not natural we should strive to keep people out of poverty.

Soren: we should answer the question.

Morgra: we should care because they are living beings and don't deserve to die from malnutrition or disease.

Martin: it can financially be justified because people living in squalor are breeding grounds for disease. Which will spread to others making more medical bills. Prevention is as good as treatment.

Soren: to reduce poverty, education is needed because people can learn how to work higher paying jobs. Political reform may also be needed to reduce corruption.

Fell: we're out of time!

Jayfeather: well here are some websites about poverty that you may want to check out after reading this fanfiction.

**Stand Up Take Action **

**Free The Children**

**The Hunger Site **

**Transaid - transport for life**

Mosshadow: while this fanfiction is for your enjoyment please check out these sites and donate to organizations like the red cross or UNESCO. Bye!


	6. Dares

Author's note: this list is always here

Note #2: I do not own any characters or book series this is a fan fiction

Note#3 : character personalities and traits may slightly differ from their respective books this is a fan fiction.

Note#4: **GIVE ME MORE REVIEWS!**

Today's characters: Warriors: Jayfeather, Bluestar, Tigerstar

GGH: Twilight, Coryn

Sight:Fell, Morgra

All four authors and editors are here today.

Jayfeather: hello, welcome to Jayfeather talk!

Twilight: today we are doing Tortures and Dares!

Fell: but first we have some calls. We are also having song dedications!

Mosshadow: don't forget fan mail.

Morgra: oh right! Today we have our first ever review!!

Coryn: I'll read it!: its from Wildheart.

Fell: cool name!

Coryn: it says : LOL I love this story!

Morgra: thanks Wildheart!

Bluestar: yes thanks a lot!

Mosshadow: Brightclaw give Wildheart a hug!

Brightclaw jumps out of Wildheart's computer and hugs Wildheart until Wildheart shoots her with pepper spray.

Brightclaw: AHH my eyes!

Fell: maybe you over hugged.

Brightclaw leaves the stage.

Twilight: were is Tigerstar?

Bluestar: he's late.

Coryn: not like he's playing card games right now.

Meanwhile in the Forest where no stars shine.

Tigerstar : got any 7's Darkstripe?

Darkstripe: go fish.

Brokentail: Tiggy, got any 9's?

Tigerstar: yes and no. Stop calling me Tiggy!

Back to the studio.

Jayfeather: I really doubt he's playing go fish or any other games.

Fell: what's that piece of wood in your paws Mosshadow?

Mosshadow: it's a violin for song dedications.

Fell: oh.

Jayfeather: our first dedication is from Larka calling from Beyond the red Meadow. What song do you want and to who.

Larka: well, first hi Fell and Morgra and I would like to dedicate My heart will go on by Celine Dion to Kar in Romania.

Fell: okay hit it !

Mosshadow and Bramblepath begin playing the opening lines to the Titanic theme song. Mosshadow has a violin and Bramblepath has a Oboe. (author's note: I really can play Titanic!)

Twilight:

Every night in my dreams  
I see you, I feel you  
That is how I know you go on.

Far across the distance  
and spaces between us  
You have come to show you go on.

Near, Far,  
wherever you are,  
I believe that the heart does go on.

Once more, you opened the door  
And you're here in my heart,  
and my heart will go on and on.

Love can touch us one time  
and last for a lifetime  
And never let go till we're gone.

Love was when I loved you,  
one true time to hold on to  
In my life we'll always go on.

Near, far,  
wherever you are,  
I believe that the heart does go on.

Once more, you opened the door  
And you're here in my heart,  
and my heart will go on and on.

You're here, there's nothing I fear  
And I know that my heart will go on.  
We'll stay, forever this way  
You are safe in my heart

and my heart will go on and on.

Fell: wow that is pretty apt!

Larka: thanks ! (Line clicks off)

Jayfeather: next!

Caller: this is Lutta I want to dedicate Hate to Kreeth!

Jayfeather: um thats a rather strong one.... you sure?

Lutta: yes! I Want Her To Feel GUILTY!

Bluestar: okay.

Twilight :

blah blah blah bla blah  
Whoo!

You were everything I wanted.  
You were everything a mother could be.  
Then you left me brokenhearted  
Now you don't mean a thing to me  
All I wanted was your  
Love love love love love love

Hate is a strong word  
But I really really really don't like you  
Now that it's over  
I don't even know what I liked about you  
Brought you around  
And you just brought me down.  
Hate is a strong word.  
But I really really really don't like you.

I really don't like you.

Thought that everything was perfect  
Isn\'t that how it's supposed to be?  
Thought you thought that I was worth it  
Now I think a little differently  
All I wanted was your  
Love love love love love love

Hate is a strong word  
But I really really really don't like you  
Now that it's over  
I don't even know what I liked about you  
Brought you around  
And you just brought me down  
Hate is a strong word  
But I really really really don't like you

Now that it\'s over you can't hurt me  
Now that it\'s over you can't bring me down

Oh... oh... oh... oh oh oh oh oh  
Oh... oh... oh... oh oh oh oh oh

All I wanted was your  
Love love love love love love

Hey!

Hate is a strong word  
But I really really really don't like you  
(I really don't like you)  
Now that it's over  
I don't even know what I liked about you  
(Liked about you)  
Brought you around  
And you just brought me down  
(Hey!)  
Hate is a strong word  
But I really really really don't like you

Oh... oh... oh... oh oh oh  
I really don't like you  
Oh... oh... oh... oh oh oh  
I really don't like you  
Oh... oh... oh... oh oh oh  
I really don't like you  
Oh... oh... oh... oh oh oh

Lutta : thats want that (bleep) deserves! (line clicks off)

Twilight: now we can start our dares !

A cage with Tigerstar, scourge and lots of other villains appears.

Mosshadow: as a warning this section of the show will be random, violent and stupid in general. We also have a table of wonders , which is the table in the middle of the stage where all the equipment comes. It's a lot better than all those cabinets of wonders.

Tigerstar gets out of the cage.

Tiggy: Morgra, I luv u so much!

Morgra pulls out a flamethrower and burns all of Tiggy's fur off.

Jayfeather: hey look at the tattoo on his back!

Coryn: it's a pic of Firestar and Tigerstar making out!

Morgra: if you're gay Tiggy, just go for Jayfeather! He's blind.

Tiggy: I am trying to go straight! So I need you , fine how about Bluestar!

Morgra pulls out an assualt Rifle from the TOW( table of wonder) and shoots Tiggy in the head.

Tiggy: HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!

Morgra (twitch, twitch) shoots Tiggy with the remaining 29 bullets and reloads while Tiggy is on the ground. Then she shoots him 30 more times.

Then she gives the rifle to Bluestar who shoots Tigerstar some more.

Tiggy: I WANT YOU!(beetles song) Come to me Bluestar!

Morgra and Bluestar: ARGHHHHHHHH!

Twilight gives her a Gatling mini gun from the TOW.

Fell: no not the mini gun! You gave Morgra a mini gun are you insane !

Morgra: wow this is a cool toy!

Bluestar:shoot him! Yeah!

Jayfeather:er......

Tiggy: I'm not dead yet!(Monty quote)

Morgra: you soon will be , ha ha ha ha !

Fell: sigh.

Morgra pulls the trigger Tiggy is turned into a pulp.

Tiggy: ow could I please have a bandage?

Morgra points the gun at the pulp and continues firing.

Mosshadow: thats enough Morgra.

Morgra: no wait, can I have tracer rounds.

Fell grabs the gun from her.

Morgra: come on!

Scourge: can I have some food?

Twilight grabs a wand from the Tow and points it at scourge.

Scourge: oooooooo shiny stick thing!

Twilight zaps scourge with the wand . Scourge is wearing a flimsy bikini.

Tsarmina: ooo la la!

Coryn: um okay.

Scourge: man I look so sexy in this!

Twilight: now that we are done with idiotic humor and violence lets do dares!

Bluestar: I dare Fell to go to the Vatican and grab the pope's white hat!

Fell: what! I am not in this!

Bluestar: too bad and the penalty is you have to go on a date with Slavka!

Fell runs out the stage door to go to the Vatican. Leopardpool follows with a camera.

Twilight: I would like to do a truth with Kludd.

Kludd: okay filthy impure-(stops suddenly as Morgra points the mini gun at him)

Twilight: do you like Pie or Nyra better?

Kludd: OMG I love pie 1000000000 times more than Nyra , oh yeah go pie.

Morgra: do you want this cranberry pie?

Kludd: sure! (Eats pie)

Morgra: it just so happens that I like to lie a lot, sometimes I lie about things like pie ingredients....

Kludd: I don't care.... WAIT what did you just say?( he keels over dead).

Morgra: those cranberries were actually deathberries!

Brightclaw: we should have known.

Nyra: I hate you sooooo much! Kludd is so sexy! I am going to kill you! You manipulated Kludd to like pie more than me!

Morgra: yes! An excuse! ( begins shooting Nyra with the mini gun that she grabbed after Fell left).

Nyra: AHHH MY PURITY WILL PROTECT ME!!( dies after being turned into red pulp)

Bluestar: janitor please!

Mosshadow: I dare Morgra to go to the Vatican an ask the Pope for a autograph!

Morgra: fine.

Brightclaw: I am going to hug all of you!(hugs Bluestar until she cracks the cat's ribs.)

Bluestar: arghhhhhh.....

She falls down unconscious!

Bramblepath: hey Morgra you can't take the gun to the Vatican!

Morgra: awww.....

Brightclaw: you need some love! Let me hug you!

She hugs Morgra really hard.

Morgra: enough!(shoves Brightclaw away)

Brightclaw: how dare you shove me!

She slaps Morgra. Morgra runs out to the Vatican.

Janitor: I hate this job! So much blood to clean up!

Meanwhile at the Vatican Fell is outside the Pope's bedroom.

Fell: hi is the Pope there?

Palace guard: ahhh a black wolf ! Satan is among us ahhhhh!

Pope: what is going on! AHHH THE DEVIL IS HERE!

Fell: um actually I'm Fell from Romania and-

Another guard: OMG ROMANIAN COMMUNISTS WOLVES ARE INVADING US!!!

Pope: the power of Christ compels you!

Fell: no I'm here for a TV show thats why I have a cameraman ,so does the Pope have an extra hat?

Pope: oh..... I wish I had someone to exorcise? (he pulls a lever and a pile of spare Pope hats falls on Fell.

Fell: um thanks , I only need one.

Fell grabs a hat and begins running back to the studio.

Pope: hey wasn't that the wolf from that book?

Guard: hmmmmm....

Then a light gray wolf runs back up.

Pope: do you want an exorcism?

Morgra: um no I'm here for an autograph.

Guard: hey wait, you're that crazy wolf from the book who worships the devil and makes all those crazy sacrifices with all those innocent children.

Leopardpool: I am sick of filming.

Pope: away you demon, the power of Christ compels you!(whacks Morgra with a large wooden cross.)

Morgra: ouch! I've given up on sacrifices already!

Christ(shouts out of heaven because he is sick of the Pope interrupting his multi player Halo game): OMG GIVE HER THE AUTOGRAPH ALREADY HITTING ANIMALS IS A SIN!

Pope: fine here's my autograph! (He gives Morgra a business cards that say call 1-800-holychrist and his signature on the back.

Morgra: yay we can go back now.

Back at the studio.

Mosshadow: okay no more random violence. Lets wrap up and say all the special things we're doing next time!

The cage of villians

Jayfeather: Okay next time we have some special interviews to show!

Bluestar(in a stomach cast): we have permission from Liza Taylor and Details Matter to interview Angelpaw, Brightheart and Bumblepaw about the fanfics they're in.

Twilight: this sounds fun!

Mosshadow: you don't know what you'll be getting into with Angelpaw. Muaha ha.

Jayfeather: okay so thats all for now! Bye

Everyone: bye!

Fell and Morgra run in

Fell: AND DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW BYE CLICKING ON THAT BOX UNDERNEATH THESE WORDS! And bye!

Morgra: bye!


	7. Note

**A NOTE**

Unfortunately despite the next episode being scheduled to come out this weekend , I forgot that this is the Fourth of July week so I have no time to finish. Nor will most people be around to see, but hopefully the next episode will come out next week. If not I probably won't be having time to up date.

By the way, when ever Hollyleaf makes an appearance notice what she does because, there will be a background plot! Possible sabotage.

I have also set up a poll to vote for your favorite character on this fic, click on my profile to vote.


	8. Interview with Angelpaw

Author's note: this list is always here

Note #2: I do not own any characters or book series this is a fan fiction

Note#3 : character personalities and traits may slightly differ from their respective books this is a fan fiction.

Characters list:Today's characters: Warriors: Jayfeather, Bluestar, Tigerstar, scourge

GGH: Twilight, Otuhlissa

Sight:Fell, Morgra, Larka

Inheritance trilogy(eragon):Sapphira

Brightclaw and Mosshadow

P.S I gave up writing with Redwall characters as hosts.

Pre-show

Jayfeather, Fell, Otulissa, Twilight and Tigerstar are backstage. The camera and effects crew is there too. Mosshadow is watching.

Jayfeather: okay we have 30 minutes before the next episode start, but since you're just reading this we might show you want fans get for reviews!

Otuhlissa: absolutely, it would be highly time consuming if we were to go through every thing on stage! This is much more efficient.

Fell: you sound so nerdy.

Otuhlissa glares at Fell.

Jayfeather: and today's camera crew is Midnight, Coryn......( rambles off)

The crew leaves to their positions.

Mosshadow: and readers if you want to suggest things for future shows you can ask in a review for your fic to be interviewed.

Tigerstar: I wonder where that stupid wolf who shoots me a lot is.

Morgra and Larka enter.

Tigerstar: (sigh)

Larka: hi

Fell(her brother): hi! You're here as a guest host today?

Jayfeather(looks up from a sheet of paper): yeah, (cynically) Mosshadow thought it would be nice to have your girlfriend on stage, as long as we don't have long romance scenes.(snickers)

Every one gives Jayfeather a quizzical look.

Jayfeather: um, what?

Larka: I'm his sister!

Jayfeather: oops!(face palms)

Morgra and Fell: idiot!

Fell: but I love her of course!(licks Larka)

Mosshadow begins playing a love song on his violin.

Twilight: shut it mossy!

Mosshadow: fine!(grabs his guitar!)

Twilight: no! Not that either!

Mosshadow grabs a electronic keyboard!

Twilight: you know what I mean punk!

Mosshadow: did you just call me a punk! I am the author! You're just an owl!

Morgra: ooooo! Specism !

Tigerstar: I am going to get you for hurting me last episode! THIS IS SPARTA!(charges)

Morgra: um... okay thats great....(sidesteps)

Tigerstar knocks over several spare lights and a camera.

Jayfeather: as we were saying reviewers get prizes! Give me the crate.

Fell nudges a crate over to Jayfeather.

Jayfeather: um can you open this since I'm blind?

Fell: okay!

Fell rips the top off violently.

Morgra: ever heard of using the handle?

The rest of the cast comes in.

Bluestar: LOL !( acts happy and giddy)

Mosshadow: what's that bottle you have in your paw?

Bluestar: oh this ? These are happy pills!( unscrews lid and begins popping pills.)

Jayfeather(makes a call to security.): um hello this is code JF12 please detain and search code BS14 for suspected narcotics, section 5b!(puts down phone).

Several security guards jump Bluestar and grab her bottle of red colored pills.

Bluestar: NOO!! not my happiness. NO!!! ( the guards drag her away)

Jayfeather, Mosshadow, Otuhlissa and Fell crowd around the crate.

Mosshadow: when you review you get virtual plushies! ( he pulls out a plushie of a black cat with blue eyes) this is a Jayfeather plushie! And it plays cute sound clips when you squeeze the paw!( he presses gently on the paw)

Jayfeather plushie toy: Shut up and go away!(gets pressed again) ack! No duh I'm blind!

Jayfeather: grrr! Come on, do I talk like that?

Morgra: yes you do!

Mosshadow: don't tease him, I have one for you too!

Morgra: (gulp)

Mosshadow lifts a light gray wolf missing an ear up.

Mosshadow: like it?

Larka:cute.

Morgra makes a slit throat gesture to Mosshadow, but he does it any way.

Morgra plushie: Grrr I hate you! Go to Hell/I gonna kill you *bleep*/ Stupid cub eat this!( there is the sound of a wolf cub being slapped)

Mosshadow: and I think I better stop this right now so I can RUN AWAY!

Morgra chases the author out of the studio in a rage.

Jayfeather: um okay.... your aunt has some, anger management problems.(there is the sound of the author being violently beaten.)

Fell: tell me about it.

Brightclaw (randomly appears from another door): it's huggy time!

Everyone: OH NOOOOOOOOOO!

The camera being used to record this section shuts off.

Camera turns on again. Everyone is back.

Morgra: argh my ribs.....

Mosshadow: can't be any worse than falling off a bridge.

Morgra: just shut up! Wait ! How did you get here!? I shoved you out a window!

Mosshadow: authors are invincible sucker!

Morgra:why me?

Bluestar: I'm back!

Jayfeather: huh?

Bluestar: those were candy! I just had to many of them!

Jayfeather: okay.

Mosshadow: that good we need at least one reasonable, responsible, sane adult.

Tigerstar: hey I'm-

Brightclaw(cuts him off): no you're not and you suck.

Tigerstar: that hurt.

Morgra: I'm reasonable and responsible and -

Larka: no offense but nahhhhh.

Morgra:hey!

Mosshadow(grabs another plushie): continuing on plushies we have Sapphira the dragon plushies.

Brightclaw: oh you mean Eragon's dragon!

Scourge: why that plushie? We never had dragons on this show!_Crash!_ (everyone turns around, a blue dragon has landed behind a pile of props.) OMG! AHHHHHHHHH!

Scourge runs towards a door and slams flat upon it since it was locked. He falls down unconscious.

Sapphira: hello little ones.

Mosshadow(calmly):hi glad you could make it.

Everyone else is stunned.

Bluestar: how'd you get in?!

Sapphira: retractable roof.

Above her a sliding panel has opened up. She takes up most of the space.

Morgra(suspiciously): so therefore you brought her here for a reason, something to do with the interview perhaps?

Otuhlissa: hmmmmm yes, it is rather suspicious.

Scourge(half unconscious): I got some coconuts and they pwn yo mama.(pauses) I'M TOO SEXY FOR THIS SHIRT! TOO SEXY FOR THIS.............

Twilight: what should we do.

Morgra leaps over to Scourge and bashes him with a heavy camera, he slumps fully out.

Larka: Morgra!

Morgra: oops so sorry, I think I might have screwed the hard drive.

Larka: no not that.

Morgra: well the lens is fine, not like I broke any thing. Why are you complaining?(evil smile)

Larka: (sigh)

Jayfeather: lets squeeze the plushie already.

----------------------------------------A few more minutes of plushie squeezing---------------------------------

Jayfeather: 10 minutes to go time to get on stage.

Brightclaw: yay(hugs Larka) you're so cute and fluffy!

Larka: um thanks.... my ribs.....

Meanwhile in the tech booth.......................................................

Lyze: while I was checking the security cameras I noticed that Jayfeather's sister Hollyleaf was there near the camera and electrical systems.

Midnight: hmm not good.

Lionblaze: she wouldn't be doing anything wrong though it is suspicious.

Back to the stage.........................

Jayfeather: hello and welcome to Jayfeather talk! Today we will be interviewing several other fanfictions.

Audience: (CHEERS)

Bluestar: okay and we are interviewing Brightheart from the fanfiction A scarred face and a torn heart by Liza Taylor. Then we'll talk to Angelpaw from the fic Amnesia by Details Matter.

Harry Potter(in the crowd): BY THE WAY THANKS FOR GETTING MY WAND BACK FROM EDWARD!

Mosshadow: your welcome. I hope everyone who reads this dislikes Twilight as much as I do!

Jayfeather: and now we shall read reviews!

Twilight pulls out an envelope.

Twilight: and we have 3 review from Night-shimmer who co writes Twisted Reality that we plan to interview later this season. Him or her review is mostly about running from Morgra who has a gun.... I'll skip the first two the last says your good at this. Thanks.

Mosshadow: thanks I really appreciate that.

Mosshadow tosses a Morgra, Jayfeather, and Sapphira plushies to Night-Shimmer, they fall out of Night's computer and bop Night in the forehead. Brightclaw follows to give Night a hug but gets threatened with a hunting rifle. She runs back to the fanfiction quickly.

Brightclaw: well that reviewer doesn't like my awesome hugs!

Morgra: no one likes your hugs!..... OMG DONT HUG ME-(gets bear hugged)!

Brightclaw: thats what you get *bleep*.

Jayfeather: and next is.......

-----------------Author skips what happens next--------------------------------------------------------------------

A quick thanks from the author.

To Arius Winter: thanks !

Silverstorm of Riverclan: sure, I have enrichment classes but I'll try.

Hockey10: yes sure, he's freaky though. (Fantasizes about Morgra torturing the *bleep* out of him) and I just foreshadowed!

Nightmist88: well she's here!Finally a sight fan! She would have been here in episode 3 but I changed it.

Silverwing:thanks.....

Dsrox: was that you earlier as Wildheart? The crazy cat from your fic?

Wolfstar4: sure.... however I am a little backed up by at least 5 more.

And you all get lots of plushies! Plus a Otuhlissa one that tells you random nerdy scientific equations!

---------------------End random comment----------------------------------------------------------------------------

(song dedications have been skipped) (you can send in song dedications)

Mosshadow: wow thats a lot of song dedications my violin needs a new E string.

Bluestar: what ever.

Tigerstar: gimme a espresso Mossy!

Mosshadow: um okay...

Fell: gasp! Mosshadow didn't argue... suspicious!

Larka: nahh.

Brightclaw: now time for calls! Morgra! Twilight!

Morgra(gets up from ground):can't talk, ribs hurt too... much .. argh...(faints and her head lands in a cup of hot tea that Mosshadow had been drinking and set down while getting Tiggy's coffee)AHHH DAMMIT! Sonova …..(gets ticked off dangerous look).

Twilight : and our first caller is from Romania so we all know who that's for !

Caller: (Russian guy accent)hey Fell, can I hook up with your Girlfriend Tarla? I am much cooler than you!

Fell: um what!

Caller: this is Vladimir , I have recently moved and I need a girl and yours is hot so ….

Fell: HOW DARE YOU *BLEEP* I BEAT THE LIVING *BLEEP* OUTA YOUR SORRY *BLEEPING* HIDE , YOU BETTER WATCH OUT LITTLE *BLEEP*.

Fell angrily dashes off stage and through the doors to bash up some Russian wolf who's trying to get his girl.

Larka: sigh.

Mosshadow: here's your coffee.

Tiggy: yes!(drinks it all down) Ohh yeah baby now I'm caffinated! Yeah!

Brightclaw: before we continue me and Mossy are going to have A MICHAEL JACKSON TRIBUTE! YAHOOOO!

Mosshadow: stop calling me mossy! And when was I going to dance Beat it with you?

Brightclaw: right now! (grabs her co-author and they dance while she sings)( Twilight and Larka are chorus)

They told him don't you ever come around here  
Don't wanna see your face, you better disappear  
The fire's in their eyes and their words are really clear  
So beat it, just beat it

You better run, you better do what you can  
Don't wanna see no blood, don't be a macho man  
You wanna be tough, better do what you can  
So beat it, but you wanna be bad

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it  
No one wants to be defeated  
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight  
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right  
Just beat it, beat it  
Just beat it, beat it  
Just beat it, beat it  
Just beat it, beat it

They're out to get you, better leave while you can  
Don't wanna be a boy, you wanna be a man  
You wanna stay alive, better do what you can  
So beat it, just beat it

You have to show them that you're really not scared  
You're playin' with your life, this ain't no truth or dare  
They'll kick you, then they beat you,  
Then they'll tell you it's fair  
So beat it, but you wanna be bad

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it  
No one wants to be defeated  
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight  
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it  
No one wants to be defeated  
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight  
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it  
No one wants to be defeated  
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight  
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right  
Just beat it, beat it  
Beat it, beat it, beat it

Beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it  
No one wants to be defeated  
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight  
It doesn't matter who's wrong or who's right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it  
No one wants to be defeated  
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight  
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it  
No one wants to be defeated  
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight  
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right  
Just beat it, beat it  
Beat it, beat it, beat it

Beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it  
No one wants to be defeated  
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight  
It doesn't matter who's wrong or who's right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it  
No one wants to be defeated  
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight  
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it  
No one wants to be defeated  
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight  
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it  
No one wants to be defeated  
Just beat it, beat it  
Beat it, beat it, beat it

(lights flash and strobe)

Brightclaw: now that was fun wasn't it!

Mosshadow: gasp....(faints)

Larka: ha hah ha!

Tigerstar : I feel strange... as if someone put an epically large overdose of laxatives in the coffee! Oh no ! AHHH WHERES THE DIRT PLACE I NEED TO GO!

He runs frantically off stage and into the back area! Unfortunately he apparently doesn't make it as there is a large explosion!

Scourge: ooooo.... that not good.

Janitor(pops out from a door): do I get extra for cleaning up Tiggy's remains?

----------------------------------------a few minutes later-------------------------------------------------------------

Jayfeather: and our next caller is.... umm.... PlayTom magazine! And it's for Scourge!

Caller: Hi Scourge we would like to note that you are due right now for immediate stripping and posing!

Scourge: hallelujah! I love to strip in front of cameras! (Runs off to PlayTom headquarters.)

Sapphira:ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.....

Jayfeather: and now we are severly running off schedule since it's Page 10 already! Bring in Brightheart!

Brightheart(poofs out of nowhere): hi !

Jayfeather: hi!

Bluestar: hi !

Larka: hello!

Sapphira:yawn!

Morgra: shut up.

Otuhlissa: salutations!

Twilight: yo what up my man!

Jayfeather: we are talking about your role in A Scarred Face and A Torn heart.

Larka: you sure killed lot of cats.

Brightheart: aww come on! Why would I do that?

The other Brightheart inside Brightheart's head: just stall this stupid author can't get anything out of us. Soon we'll be back to cause more havoc and destroy that lame kitty pet!

Morgra: because it says so in the fanfiction!

Brightheart: um......

Bluestar: you're becoming so evil, Star Clan is not happy!

Twilight: any body want Pop tarts?

Sapphira; sure!

Brightheart: AHHH! WHAT THE HELL!

Jayfeather: oh she just here for an episode.

Mosshadow: so in the fanfiction you just murdered Sol and Sandstorm has confided in you that she thinks someone in ThunderClan is doing the killing.

Larka: and you're becoming darker and darker. More deaths are being added to the list soon.

Brightheart: so! I NEVER HAD AN APPRENTICE BECAUSE FIRESTAR IS SUCH A*BLEEPING**BLEEPOT* YOU ALL HAVE SUCH PERFECT LIVES ALL HAPPY IN STARCLAN OR AS A MEDIECENE CAT OR WHERE EVER YOU LIVE! YOU'RE ALL SO LUCKY!!!!!

Jayfeather: woah that was a surprise!

Morgra: what do you mean your life sucks! Ever seen mine !?

Brightheart: shut up! I hate you all!

The other Brightheart: what was that you idiot!

Brightheart: sob sob … she's taking over me ! Sob I can't take it! Sob sob.

She runs off stage !

Bluestar: what just happened ?

Angelpaw: why hi. (evil smile)

Larka: I'm not liking that smile.

Morgra: I'm going over to Yellowfang's den to play Halo co-op!

Larka: what!

Morgra: see ya!(runs off stage to play Xbox with Yellowfang. )

Angelpaw: MU HA HAH HA HHA H AH HHA ! Less targets to destroy! It is time for me to start my plan for world domination! Ha hah ha ha!

Everyone: huh?

Angelpaw: I shall kill you for no reason other than that Mosshadow needs to move the plot forward!

Larka: traitor!

Mosshadow: sorry.

Angelpaw: ha ha !

She suddenly attacks Bluestar with her demonic magic!

Bluestar( poofs into a bunny); ahhh!

Twilight : oh *bleep*.

Otuhlissa: heck yeah!

Morgra(comes back): hey guys Yellowfang's Xbox is broken! Any one got a PS3?

Larka: OmiGOD help us!

Morgra: okay... hey look this grenade launcher is randomly lying here maybe I should use it.

Twilight: um sure!(draws ice sword) die !(gets blown up!)

Sapphira: ( breathes fire on Angelpaw)

Angelpaw: ha ha ! I eat fire!(sucks in all of the fire ! And gets drunk) um ha ha hh....

She staggers around drunkly.

Morgra: how bout I just shoot her already!

Jayfeather: sure!

Morgra: DIE!!! HA HA !(begins firing!) MU HA HA HA !

Angelpaw(drunkenly): ah gonna killa youa! (gets blown up by a grenade) ack nooo! I'll be evil and murder tons of people for no reason.

Fanfiction ends for no reason because Morgra began shooting the cameras in her bloodlust!

Larka(in the dark): sigh..... review people..... and vote for the poll on the profile page... STOP SHOOTING ALREADY!

Hollyleaf: darn I was going to blow up the electric room... must wait until next episode to be evil!


	9. Preview for mini finale!

Mosshadow :Our next episode will be a mini finale! And we will have Ashfur Tortures!

Morgra: torture?! YAY!

Coryn: Shut up!

Jalgan: hi! BWAH BWAH HA HA HA !

Fell: NOT YOU AGAIN! DIE *BLEEP*(Shoots Jalgan with rocket launcher!)

Jayfeather: enough with the Mindless violence!

Morgra: mindless violence is fun!(loads shot gun)

Ashfur: hey Jayfeather! I gonna tell everyone about what Hollyleaf did to me!

Jayfeather: ack ! fire!

Morgra: die Muah ah hah hah !

Ashfur: OH *bleep*(gets shot multiple times)

Brokenstar: Hello muah ah hah hah !

Morgra: PLAGERIZING *Bleep*! (bites his neck!)

Tigerstar: hi I'm evil!

Morgra: I not going to bother killing you.

Coryn: Hah ah hah! I got a chainsaw!

Tigerstar: OH NO! IT'S PINK COLORED!

Coryn: OH YES IT IS.

Tigerstar: You guys can't kill me! I'm too awesome!

Coryn: Oh YES WE CAN ! YES WE CAN!

Barack Obama: You're cool but.... STOP TAKING MY AWESOME LINES!

Coryn : FIne then.... THIS IS SPARTA!

Fell:I'm surronded by idiots!

Jayfeather: deal with it!

Angelpaw: HELLOOO GUYS! I'M HERE TO KILL YOU ALL!

Mosshadow: SO tune in next time for-

(Sounds of fighting and shooting)

Mosshadow: ack bye! And vote for my polls!


	10. A call for more tortures

Hi, I would like to note that the reason i am postphoning this fic is because no one is sending in ashfur or Hollyleaf tortures. When you review Send in a torture!!!!!


	11. IMPORTANT DEADLINE

I am still waiting for people to send in ashfur tortures. The deadline is the 16th if you are reading this please click on the green letters at the bottom of the page and Send in tortures already! I have part one typed already. And please vote for the recently set up polls. The question is who is your favorite Non-Wattiots character.


	12. Bonus chapter!

A bonus chap about what everyone does after Jayfeather talk. Randomness galore!

And Vote for Da poll and continue with those tortures for Ashfur! We have a deadline! The 16th of august so hurry up and review! And I seem to be having some problems seeing the reviews so I might continue having trouble seeing the latest reviews. If you submitted a torture after reviewing write a Direct PM to me.

What The authors do after typing this fic.

Mosshadow: I'm done!! yay! *begins dancing the macarena*

Brightclaw(is reading the script at her house): I luv randomness!! whopee!

Leopardpool: Mosshadow, what the hell is with you and randomness! I can't believe Slavka gets hurt so much in chap 2 ! She's my fav ! *sobs uncontrollably* .

Slavka: do you want a hug!

Leopardpool: yeah !Hey wait what the hell are you doing in my house!

Slavka: looking for drugs! I mean chocolate!

Leopardpool: wolves can't eat chocolate!

Slavka: yes I can!*eats entire bar* See! *vomits and dies*.

Leopardpool: NOOOOO!!!!

Bramblepath: Great Mossy just sent me one of his random stories.. good for him. *reads* ack what the hell is with him and machineguns!

--------------------In StarClan

Yellowfang: one more fic were out of for now! Whew! *watches House* Yeah! Show that stupid patient! Yeah !

Bluestar: gotta go make a prophecy!*loads prophecy in a starry Inter-continental ballistic missile and launches it at the Lake*

Lake medic cat: I gotta a prophecy!

Random leader: oooo! Me wanna see!

Lake Medic: okayy.... two rolls of bread, One jar of grape jam, 2 Mice, 6 pound of sugar, and five .50 incendiary armor piercing rounds. And a 12x scope. And a tripod.

Leader: um.....

Back in starclan.

Bluestar: is it just me or did I put my shopping list in there instead of the prophecy that will determine the fate of the clans, the world and the existence of Pie and soda itself! Oh well goes off to have pie and soda.

In wolf heaven beyond the Red meadow.

Larka: la la la la *is running through field*

Morgra:*is reading a book on black magic*

Jalgan: hi like ,suckish, like losers!!

Larka: erm who are you?

Jalgan(with a lisp): oh yeah , you like totally like don't like know me at like all, cause like you like weren't like there , like during the like , second like book.

Morgra: shut up I am reading about dark magic and sorcery leave me alone! Plus you're supposed to in Purgatory.

Jalgan: like ,oops!

God(fenris): Aren't you supposed to be in purgatory for really long term punishment ?

Jalgan(pouts): like fine then.... *goes poof*.

God(fenris): and what the hell are you reading Morgra?

Morgra: umm nothing..*hides book*.

God: and what's that large, hellish, crack in the ground that appears to have been created by black magic.

Morgra: s---t, I didn't do that!*shifty eyes*.*Calls lawyer and Medical insurance*.

Larka:*rolls eyes*.

In the great Ga'hoole tree.

Twilight: * is playing Rock Band* Whoppeee!! I beat everything on expert drums! Babee!! oh yeah!!!

Otuhlissa: you've been playing for an eternity!!

Twilight: come on , 82 hours and 59.9999999999999 minutes straight isn't an eternity!

Soren: ahhh, please stop playing I can't sleep!

Dewlap: who wants pie!

Soren: you're not supposed to be here!!!

Ruby: ack not you!!*pulls out flamethrower*

Morgra: hey! Thats mine!

Otuhlissa: stay in your book already!!

Morgra: fine!

Owl god(glaux): Jesus, I don't want you doing something stupid to my world, get outa here or , I'll file a lawsuit!

Morgra: you hurt my feelings.

Tsarr: who wants this cake I just baked!

God: what the hagsmire ! Stay in your book already!!

Tigerstar: who wants to join me in evil!!

God: thats it , I'm gonna smote someone!

Morgra+Tsarr: *hide behind Tigerstar*

God: *blasts Tigerstar to ashes.*

-----in Romania

Fell: well thats one episode of being with a crazy author done.

Kar: oh well.

Vladimir(Russian accent): I have come for my wife!

Fell: dammit shut up!!!

Hollyleaf: you want to join me in evil?

Kar: *draws SMG*

Hollyleaf: is that a yes?

-----In ThunderClan

Jayfeather: ahhh, thats one insane randomness galore episode.

Random fic authors: hey look Jayfeather's available for being used in random comedy fics!

Jayfeather:noooo! Curse you!!!!

Erins: awww too bad.

Jayfeather: life is sooo cruel!!

Mosshadow: hey I'm almost done with episode six!

Jayfeather: *draws revolver*

Mosshadow: gulp!

**R&R Peeps**


	13. Bumblepaw interview and bonus sneak prev

The reviews works so you guys can stop PMing me! thanks!

ANd another bonus chapter that contains teasers from my stories!

With the sight team(Fell, Larka,Morgra, Kar)

Mosshadow: hey guys!

Kar: hi!

Morgra: are you going to torture me? Despite the fact I'm you're 4th favorite character?

Larka: Mosshadow isn't evil.

Mosshadow(evil smile): how sure are you? Anyway i wrote this alternate ending to the first book!

Morgra: aka Larka lives i die horribly? Right?

Mosshadow: (really, really EVIL!!!! Smile!!)

Fell:(reads) OMIGOD!

Kar: WHAT THE *BLEEP* IS WRONG WITH YOU!!

Morgra: Hey, i do die a horrible, painful death after having varoius parts of my body ripped out.

Fell: I'm notta psychopath!

Kar: *cries*

Larka:*cries*

Morgra:*cries*

Fell:*begins to have suicidal thoughts*

Mosshadow: Bwa ha ha ha!!

Next segment.

Bumblepaw: hi, so I'm here for a follow-up to the brightheart interview for a Scarred Face and a Torn Heart?

Moss: yup!

Jayfeather: so how do you feel about Brighthearts evilness?

Bumblepaw: well i just think that her soul has been ripped in two by all this tragedy that happens to her.*looks depressed*. And her dark side is over powering her good side.

Moss: wow, you're pretty good for an apprentice.

Bumblepaw(slight smile): well actually I'm a warrior of StarClan now.

Moss: And what do you think will happen now?

Bumblepaw: I-I don't know, I guess it's all up to Liza Taylor now.*cries*.

Everyone including the camera crew and the Sight team who had been in the depression ward come and give the poor cat a big hug.

Bumblepaw: thanks guys.

The end. Review for Ashfur Tortures and Vote for your fav non-warriors charater. Possibly one more bonus before my vactation's over and we get back to regular proggramming!


	14. Reinterview with Angelpaw

Bonus chap to finish up some more interviews.! Vote for you know what and send in Ashfur tortures.

Mosshadow: okay now today we are going to finish that rather insane review with Angelpaw.

Jayfeather: aww... And where is everyone other than Twilight?

In the dark forest....

Tigerstar: ack! I am sooo pissed with everyone! I can never carry out my extraordinary evil!

Hawkfrost: just keep trying!

Clawface: you never know, one day you'll get your revenge on that kittypet!

Tigerstar: Aww thanks guys you're the best.

All hug in an evil but loving embrace of villainy.

Brokentail/star: no offense narrator but you make us sound gay.

Well then my dear Brokentail maybe you are.

Darkstripe: who are you talking too?

Meanwhile somewhere else....

Larka: *is trying to get her paw out of a crevice* Damn, I can't believe you can get stuck in heaven!

Morgra: *is playing Halo online*.

God(Fenris): is trying to write a Nobel peace prize winning book.

In Romania.....

Kar:*is still depressed after the short sneak preview of Mosshadow's alternate ending*.

Fell:*is at the mental asylum*.

Tarlar: *is sobbing over Mosshadow's crazy alt fic*

Larka the second: *is feeling bored.*

Slavka the second: shut up author! I don't wanna be in your fic!

Fine then, be that way!!

In the great tree....

Otuhlissa:* is teaching Health education.*

Soren: la la la la la *is looking through walmart's hunting rifle section* Hey can I have this one?

Storekeeper: sure dude!

Soren: now can you tell me where the anti-depressants are?

Storekeeper: SECURITY!

Back at the studio with Jay, Twilight and Moss.

Angelpaw: hi, I'm sorry I tried to kill you guys last time.

Jayfeather: yeah, so today you're not possessed by an evil demon?

Angelpaw: yeah.

Twilight: your eyes are different!

Angelpaw: that's because I'm not possessed anymore.

Twilight: cool.

Mosshadow: so how is life with a spirit inside you?

Angelpaw: it's scary. Sometimes when I got angry with someone, I sorta blanked out and the next thing you know their dead , without a mark!

Jayfeather: thats creepy.

Angelpaw: and the demon makes me powerful, I can see things through the trees that are normally obscured from my view.

Twilight: I sorta would like to have a demon like that.

Angelpaw(dark look): you wouldn't, it has it's own evil agenda and it will stop at nothing to achieve it's goals.

Jayfeather: so how did it come into you.

Angelpaw: who knows? Thats what we have to figure out.

Mosshadow: well I hope you feel better and purge it out of your system.

Angelpaw: I'll try.

Twilight: is your name coincidence or an ironic joke by the author?

Angelpaw: what do _you _think?

The end.


	15. Ashfur tortures part 1!

Characters list:Today's characters: Warriors: Jayfeather, Bluestar, Tigerstar, Yellowfang+everyone else later!

GGH: Twilight, Otuhlissa, Coryn+everyone else later!

Sight:Fell, Morgra, Larka,Kar+everyone else later!

Original characters!: Skull from tortured souls by Hockey10 and Wildpath from wild blood by dsrox!

Brightclaw and Mosshadow with Leopardpool and Bramblepath somewhere back stage.

Here is part one of the finale! Instead of a special episode this is the end of the season because I've been really falling behind on my serious fics.

**AND everyone please vote for the poll!!!!!!!**

Pre-show

Mosshadow: HA HA HA HA!(he is reading a fanfic) Wow talk about a weird one!

Jayfeather: what?

Mosshadow: I was just reading an alt-ending fic about the Sight. At the end Slavka randomly comes out of nowhere despite being incapacitated and tries to drag Larka and Morgra off into the chasm! Ha Ha. I just think the author was a little over crazy about bumping off Slavka and letting Larka live. Larka personality is screwed up a little too.

Morgra: so you think thats funny?

Mosshadow: um yeah.....

Morgra: _seriously_! Me getting pulled off a bridge by a pathetic moron is FUNNY!

Mosshadow: He he , yes.

Kar: let it go Morgra.....

Bluestar: I wonder where Tigerstar is , we have 10 minutes to go!

-------Somewhere in a night club-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tigerstar: oh yeah baby, dance Sasha Dance!(soulja boy is playing)

Sasha : oh sure Tiggy-Wiggy.

Darkstripe: (drinks lots of beer) BOOGIE!

Clawface: bwa ha ha. (is drunk)

----------Back to the studio--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brightclaw: gimme that soda Coryn!

Coryn: no way ! Mossy says you'll go hyper and start chain hugging us to death!

Morgra: oh that reminds me. Brightclaw I am sick of being brutally hugged by you! I swear that I will wipe your existence off the face of this fanfic! I'm gonna curse you or something!

Fell: Gulp!

Mosshadow: okay...... You better start running Brightclaw, oh and avoid flammable objects, frozen rivers, water falls and dangerous stuff.

Brightclaw: nahhh. All she needs is a hug!

Morgra: I think_ I _better start running! AHHHHHHH!(starts running in circles).

Brightclaw: Bwah ha ha ! I gonna get you! Hey WAIT, I'M GLUED TO THE FLOOR!

Twilight: ha ha !

Skull and Wildpath enter.

Mosshadow: hi.(Suddenly grabs Skull and shoves him in a cage!)

Skull: What the !

Wildpath(in a deranged mental way): muah ha ha … Evil … Evil!!!

Otuhlissa: well you see your creator asked for us to hurt you a lot!

Coryn: and we're going medieval!

Skull: gulp... but I torture people... this isn't fair!

Morgra(drags a torture rack out of the props room): how bad can it be? It's all for the readers enjoyment! Ha ha ha....

Skull:oh no! Not that one ! Thats what mommy used to do to me when I behaved badly!

Bluestar: that explains rather nicely how messed up you are!

Jayfeather: a rather big chunk of this cast is messed up!

Everyone: HEY!

Skull: me? Messed UP!? Come on! Ha ha ha!

Yellowfang: well, you do torture all those cats by starvation for no apparent reason.

Jayfeather: and who is this rather crazed cat , Wildpath?

Mosshadow: she's a OC cat by Dsrox who in her insanity gathers rogues to kill off her clan mates. She almost success but when the clans congregate at the island she challenges 3 apprentices to battle. Thats really stupid and they kill her. The end.

Wildpath: revenge...Revenge! HA HA HA ! (cackles with insanity).

Brightclaw(tries to un-glue herself with solvent): and where's Larka and Fell?

Jayfeather: not like she's chat rooming.

-------------------On some random chat room-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Whitefur has logged on

Wolfbane has logged on

Eviliam has logged on

Rebelleader has logged on

Whitefur: what up!?

Eviliam: I am plotting to destroy Firestar!

Rebelleader: are you Larka?

Whitefur: maybe...

Wolfbane: what's it to you?

Rebelleader: evil LOL.... revenge!

Eviliam: well if you're Larka then I don't wanna talk.

Wolfbane: and where are you right now?

Eviliam: at a disco club with my girl. I Iming with my new iPhone!

Whitefur: you're supposed to be at the studio!

Rebelleader: Studio! Gasp ! You are Larka! I hate you!

Wolfbane: how dare you flame my sis! I'll burn you with this Moltov Cocktail!

Wolfbane has signed off to burn rebel leader Slavka with homemade explosives!

Eviliam has logged off to go to the studio.

Whitefur: I see that you have changed your screen name from 'ihateyoumorgraandlarka'

Rebelleader:yeah..

Whitefur: oaky.

Rebelleader: This is boring.

Whitefur: bye!

Whitefur has signed off to run to the studio.

Rebelleader: I will have my revenge!!... oh wait everyones gone..... sob , I'm a failure! Sob! I will cry to my self in the fetal position and suck my tail.

IamNOTmosshadow has signed in.

IamNOTmosshadow: yes you are... you suck!

IamNOTmosshadow has signed off so Slavka can't figure out who is chatting.

Rebelleader: I know it's you!!!! or maybe the Comcast guy I bit......

Fireydude has logged on.

Fireydude: what up?

Rebelleader has logged off pissed off.

Fireydude: noooo their're all gone.... sob must jump off a bridge!!!

Fireydude has logged off to wallow in sorrow and jump off bridges while in the fetal position.

-------------------Back to the studio-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Skull: ahhhh! Stop stop!

Morgra: fine, let's stop streching him. Get me some boiling water!

Skull: noooo!

Wildpath: Yesssss... Mussssst Inflicttttt painnnnnnn! Nah hah ha ha ha .

Morgra: um okay...... how about you do it then..... (freaks out about Wildpath and quickly gets as far away as possible.)

Skull: AHHHH! IT BURNS LIKE PIE!!!!

Otuhlissa: doesn't handle well under stress does he....

Mosshadow gets off from the chat room where he has been posing as Iamnotmosshadow. Tigerstar barrels through the doors and trips on Morgra's tail, he flies head over heels and knocks into the torture rack containing Skull, it flies off into a room containing propane tanks with Skull strapped to it. What happens next is very obvious.

_**BOOOM!!!!**_

Yellowfang: great... we haven't started yet and already we have killed someone.( she is dousing the flames with a fire extinguisher.)

Morgra: my tail!

Fell comes barreling through the door. He trips on Morgra's tail and lands on top of Bluestar.

Bluestar; get off! You're crushing me!!!!

Morgra: my tail you idiot!!!

Fell: sorry!(jumps off of Bluestar, his tail knocks Jayfeather's remote down from a table, it hits a red button.)

Tigerstar picks himself up, he also happens to have disco clothes and necklaces on.

Otuhlissa: what does that button do?

A large piece of very heavy machinery falls on Tigerstar and Morgra's tail!

Tigerstar; argh!!

Morgra: ack my tail!!!

Brightclaw: why are you hurting Morgra so much today? Did you like reread the Sight or something?

Mosshadow: nahh, it's just coincidence.

Morgra: well it won't be coincidence when I rip your damn face off!!!

She leaps at Mosshadow but at that second Larka barrels through the entrance and steps on her aunts tail like everyone else has done.

Morgra(falls flat on her face): foiled again!

Everyone but Tiggy who is lying under several tons of machinery laughs.

Larka(sees Kar): Kar's here too!! YAAY!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

Kar: Larka ! I love you too!!

They run to each other through a field of flowers.

Fell: (claps)

Coryn: where did the field of flowers come from?

Few minutes later.....

Jayfeather:okay, today as part of our special we are filming outside the studio.

Twilight: that was awkward.

Jayfeather: well would you like me to say it in a more eloquent way?

Twilight: whats eloquent?......

-------------outside------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Otuhlissa: and now you know where we are!

Camera zooms out showing Silverpelt and the StarClan hunting grounds. There is a huge audience of practically every character.

Random Redwall character in the audience: this is boring.(begins reading PlayBeast magazine)

Cloudtail in the audience: how dare you say that!!! (kills the other guy!) Wow this is an awesome magazine! Look at those chics!!!

Brightheart who is also in the audience: sob! I hate you!! you don't love me any more!!! Sob!!!

Jayfeather: so how about we tell each other what we liked or disliked about this show?

Coryn: you go first then.

Larka: the Co-author is still glued to the floor!

Kar: thats because we have surprise for her.

Larka: oh right!

Jayfeather: well then I thought that the thing I disliked the most was the character choices. We have a insane, evil , murderous cat. Two StarClan warriors who annoy the heck outta me. A demonic black wolf who likes Doritos-

Bluestar: we trying to help you!

Fell: hey! How did you figure that out?

Jayfeather: a deranged, wolf with anger problems and no social life -

Morgra makes a slit throat gesture.

Jayfeather: and an annoying owl who is a king and another nerdy owl who's screen name is NerdBird-

Otuhlissa: how did you know?

Jayfeather: and a stupid singing owl who likes weapons and swords.

Twilight is playing an air guitar in the background.

Larka: I think you need to be more positive and look at the brighter side of life?

Jayfeather: I'm blind! I can't _look _at the positive-

Slavka(runs on stage randomly): I gonna kill you (Bleep!)(her fur is still smoking from that Moltov cocktail!) die !!(trips on a wire and falls off the platform on to Brassa.)

Brassa: um......

Slavka faints.

Huttser: sigh...

Mosshadow: hey Brightclaw is coming lets get the surprise ready.

They all hide.

Brightclaw(runs out from the studio):where is everyone?

Everyone: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!(Confetti falls from the scaffolding attached to the outside stage)

Brightclaw: wow you guys remembered?

Everyone: yep!!!

Tigerstar(being pulled out on a stretcher by the janitor.): I wilth getss youee guis...(faints)

Bluestar; not like any one likes you anyway.

Jayfeather: here's the cake!(pulls out a large chocolate cake with green icing!)

Brightclaw: wow!

Mosshadow: think I should revive Tiggy?

Yellowfang: I suppose so.

Mosshadow takes Jayfeather's remote and points it at Tigerstar, a beam of light zaps him and instantly heals all his wounds.

Tigerstar: um thanks....

Yellowfang: gasp!!!! you are showing gratitude!!

Tigerstar: shut it!

Mosshadow: by the way sorry about your dad.

Tiggy: what!?

Mosshadow: I read about how he became a kitty-pet, I feel sorry for you.

Tigerstar: *snarl* he's not my father any more , he's a filthy piece of foxdung!!!

Pinestar(in adience): I'm so sorry....

Tigerstar(spins around): shut it *bleep*!

Pinestar:sob.

Coryn: okay, now how about that surprise you said you had for us?

Mosshadow: oh sure-

???Cute Gray wolf Cub???: hi!

Mosshadow: the audience is not allowed on stage at this time.

Kar: CAL!!!!!

Cal: hi bro.

Morgra: Cal... that sounds familiar....

Cal: yes of course, since you got Kraar to eat me!!

Morgra: oh right, now I remember, you were that annoying-

Cal: die B*Bleep*H! (shoots Morgra with a pink bazooka)

Morgra: argh! (Dies)

Mosshadow revives her.

Cal: (pulls out a monkey wrench) this is gonna hurt! And thanks for the free tickets Kar.

Morgra: you gave him free tickets? I didn't get any free tickets.

Mosshadow: like you have anyone to give the free tickets to.

Otuhlissa: I would really like to note that your "Morgra has no life" jokes are really repetitive and cruel. Not to mention all the Sight fans are beginning to hate you !

A crowd of Sight fans begin throwing rocks at Mosshadow.

Mosshadow: But all the Larka fangirls and boys are really liking it!(ducks rock)

Cal: ahem!

Mosshadow(moves away): oh right, have fun!

The camera quickly pans away from the two wolves. There are shouts and the sound of someone being bashed with a monkey wrench.

Mosshadow: I pity her....

Tigerstar: *snicker*

Coryn eats a snickers bar. Everyone stares off screen to watch the little side show. A few seconds later when the sounds of someone being violently bashed up cease Morgra drags her rather bruised self back on-screen.

Morgra:ow... my tail still hurts too! And you just made another really bad food joke.

Cal: I gonna hurt you too Fell for being Morgra's ally !

Cal bashes Fell in a really painful spot between the legs and on the head. He then bows and walks off stage to his family who are rather happy at seeing Morgra moaning on the ground.

Jayfeather: here take some aspirin.

Mosshadow: okay for the surprise, I will do charades and Brightclaw gets to guess!

Brightclaw: yahhoooo!!!!!!!(is hyper from eating the entire cake)

Mosshadow: okay first Jayfeather will be helping me so you better move to your position. Graystripe get my bow and flamethrower. Larka and Bluestar move closer to Morgra. Coryn move over to the left. Okay now were going to start!

Mosshadow: suddenly runs at Larka, Bluestar and Morgra and shoves them off a really high bridge.

Larka: where did that bridge and abyss come from ? AHHH! (hits ground and breaks a lot of bones really loudly and graphically)

Morgra: NOO! Not again!!!(also hits ground and breaks bones violently and graphically)

Bluestar: I'm Free! Free falling! (falls into a river)

Wildpath: ohhh they die! Ha ha ha !!(gets killed by three apprentices how leap out of nowhere) ACK NO MY !

Fell: what the-(gets shoved by Jayfeather into a freezing river!) NOOOO! NOT AGAIN!!!!

Mosshadow: Yellowfang!

Mosshadow blasts her with the flamethrower!

Yellowfang:ack ! Smoke, can't breathe!(dies)

Jayfeather: hey Sgorr!

Sgorr: um sure!(He gets shot with an arrow from Mosshadow)AHHHH! NOOO NOT AGAIN!!!!

Coryn: what-(gets stabbed)

Mosshadow: now we're done.

Morgra:hey my tail isn't hurting anymore! But everything else is....Argh....(dies)

Coryn: ahhh... argh (dies)

Brightclaw: you were being.... um an AUTHOR!

Mosshadow: correct!

Bluestar: great.... how?(coughs up water)

Fell: you're insane ! Why make us remember all our bad experiences! (coughs up water)

Brightclaw: because he and Jayfeather were reenacting key scenes from various books!

Mosshadow: yup, first I did the final Harja battle conclusion from the Sight along with your death and then I did the final duel scene from the fic wild blood and then the river crossing scene from the sight. After that it Yellowfang's death.... and so on

Bluestar: ah! But I fell off a cliff!

Jayfeather: you had to share with Larka cause it's too expensive to create a gorge.

Mosshadow: onto reviews and questions.

Kar: half the cast is lying with multiple fractures and aspiration!

Jayfeather: oops! (revives everyone)

Yellowfang: my back!

Mosshadow: (reads all the reviews)

Yellowfang: pretty positive.

Mosshadow: you all get ….. Drum roll please!

Everyone begins tapping the floor.

Mosshadow:Firestar, Larka and Coryn plushies!!!! As you can see the plushies are hero themed. And I'll answer Wolfstar4's question for an interview. I will see her fics and do an interview next half season. For Mossclaw17 I think I'll do the same in the next half-season. And about having Twilight cats here... well wait till next season.

Brightclaw: there a charade I wanna do!

She runs over to Tigerstar and stabs him with her claws. He dies quickly!

Tigerstar: noooo!

Mosshadow: I think you're being Scourge?

Brightclaw: yep yep yep!!! (is hyper).

While Jayfeather revives Tiggy a ball of yarn rolls on to the stage.

Berrynose(Gollum voice): NOOOO!!! MY PRECIOUS!!!! (runs after the ball)

Bran(sight): hey whats that red ball? (picks up ball)

Berrynose: GIMMME MY PRECIOUS!!!!! (slashes Bran)

Larka: how dare you!! (leaps on Berrynose)

Daisy: nooo not my kitty!! (jumps on Larka)

Kar: get offa my friend you *bleep*!!! (attacks Daisy and pins her to the ground.)

Cloudtail: noo! Daisy I love you!!!! (Goes for Kar's neck.)

Fell: *SNARL*(knocks Cloudtail down)

Firestar: die!! (leaps on Fell)

Sandstorm: let me join this completely pointless brawl!(also attacks Fell)

Morgra: Sigh.. and I guess should be helping.(knocks Sandstorm off)

Thunderclan: ATTACK!!!!

Jayfeather: how the hell did we get to this with a red ball of yarn!

All of ThunderClan attacks!

Huttser: great.... now we have to save our relatives.... (he and his pack all join the massive fight)

Mosshadow: and lets have a commercial break during this completely pointless act of violence. This is from our sponsor Dragnerz you can read his fics under the Sight and Eragon sections.

-----------------------------commercial-------------break-----------------------------------------------------------

New, from swords co! Tired of hacking and slashing through hordes and hordes of the flesh and bones with the same old traditional sword? (cuts off hand of the assistant) 'Ow! what the hell is wrong with you!? you just cut off my bloody hand!!' Try our New... Chainsaw Sword! (assistant has a frozen look on his face as he revs it up) '..... what' It has multiple revolving *mini* chainsaws along the safe side, so it's almost IMPOSSIBLE to become lodged in pesky thighs and ribs. (Assistant turns to run away in horror, guy cuffs him to a random pole, starts cutting him with it, blood sprays everywhere) And YOU TOO can feel the joy of ripping your foes to bits in the most UNNECESSARY fashion today! for the low low affordable price of $43.50! (screen moves away to show just scenery, blood is spraying from the right side of the screen, and theres loud screams) "actualexperiencesmaydifferfromgoreseenhere,pleaseconsultmanualforpropersafetyinstructions,:spontaneouseizures,heartproblems,liverproblems,."

-------------------------------------------------end-----------------------------------------------------------------

Jayfeather: welcome back!!!!

Everyone: hi!

Wildpath: revenge!!! ha ha ha !!!! ha.....choke!

Larka: get your paw off her throat Morgra!

Wildpath: (takes deep breaths) I will kiiilll you! ARGH(gets slamed through a wall by Morgra Sight powers)

Yellowfang: now it's time to take some calls!

Phone: ring!

Twilight(picks up phone): hello, you're on Jayfeather Talk, wadda you wanna say?

Caller(Russian accent): zis is Vladimir! I have comez for my vife!

Fell(grabs phone from Twilight): Tarlar mine! You *bleep*!

Kar(grabs phone): she's mine too!!!

Vladimir: ohh.... (their is the sound of crying)(phone clicks off)

Morgra: by the way how exactly do two have the same girlfriend?

Fell: why should I tell you?

The phone rings again.

Bluestar: this is Bluestar from Jayfeather talk!

Caller: this is Achmeed the dead terrorist, you wanna join my suicide bomber camp?

Bluestar turns off the phone.

Next caller: I'ma firin mah lazar!!!

Everyone: huh?(turns off phone)

Otuhlissa(for the next caller): hi this is-

Caller: hello I have a question for Tiggy. What the STARCLAN DID YOU DO TO MY SON LAST NIGHT!!

Tigerstar: which son? There so many of them.

Caller: so you admit you gay raped my son!

Tigerstar: it's not rape if he enjoyed it!(slams phone down)

Larka: you did WHAT!

Tigerstar: it was a most pleasurable experience!

Larka and Otuhlissa faint.

Twilight: are you okay!! Speak to me!!

Kar: Larka!

They quickly wake up roused by the noise. They also have lost their innocence.

Larka: you just shattered my innocence.

Tigerstar: well then, do you want some of what I do too?

Kar and Fell immediately shred the evil tom to a few bloody shreds, most of which ended up on the camera lens.

Camera animal(Midnight) : dis is 2 violen.(wipes blood off the screen)

Wildpath(wakes up after being slammed through a building wall) : hi guys!

Jayfeather: thats weird. She just talked normally!

Wildpath: what do you mean? (looks at Jayfeather in a concerned way)

Otuhlissa: I think the joggling of her brain while being smashed through a wall made her sane!

Wildpath: what are you talking about?

Morgra: and now she can't remember anything.

Yellowfang: do you remember what you did before you died?

Wildpath: I'm dead?

Otuhlissa: full blown amnesia. Might be good for her considering her life.

Wildpath: oh, okay.(pads up happily beside Jayfeather)

Jayfeather looks very apprehensive.

Mosshadow: and thats the end of the first half, enjoy this commercial while I put in all of your tortures for Ashfur into part two, thanks!

Twilight: we're causing bodily harm to Ashfur?

Mosshadow: yep. Oh and we shall now show you the cast for the next season! Drum roll please!

Some one rolls a drum across the floor.

Mosshadow: I meant that figure-tively! Okay, come in guys!

Tigerkit, Brokentail, Hawkfrost , And Tarlar(sight) Walk in.

Jayfeather: WHAT!! THIS IS MY CAST FOR NEX SEASON!!

Mosshadow: and Twilight who is already here!

Morgra, Fell, Larka, Kar, : go TARLAR!!

ThunderClan: BOOO BROKENTAIL!! ( they climb up and beat the living and unliving crap out of Brokentail and Hawkfrost.

Otulissa: (pats Twilight) Good job!

Tigerkit: why is everyone ignoring me!

Brightclaw:*hug*

Tigerkit: thanks!

---------Commercial----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In thunderClan camp

Brokentail(walks up to firestar): Join Evil!! Take this pamphlet of evil!!!  
Subtitles: these are customers on hidden cameras.

Firestar: i can see you Clawface hiding behind that bush with a camera!

Brokentail: don't you want to jion evil???

Firestar: shut up!(draws gun)

Brokentail: oh *censored*!

Switch to next scene.

In wolf heaven for the sight.(after sequel)

Brokentail: would you like to get out of your emo corner and _Re_-join evil?

Morgra: I'm in an emo corner?

Brokentail: well you are lying on a black pillow on a black rock ,in a field of black flowers, and reading a black colored magazine about witchcraft and blackmagic and you painted your claws black.

Morgra: claws are supposed to be black!!!

Brokentail: and you have two knives beside you, is one knife not good enough for self inflicted harm? plus they're black!

Morgra: those knives are for those random idiots who go around making commercials! I used the first three on the GEICO dude. (chucks the knives at brokentail and Clawface) And blacks my favorite color!

Brokentail and Clawface: oh damn! (camera goes dark)

In the great Gahoole tree

Brokentail: join evil!! take this awesome red colored pamphlet of evilness!

Soren: shut the frinking racdrops up!!(draws an ice sword)

Brokentail: are you emo too?

Soren:*cuts Brokentail into pieces*

Clawface: not again!

Twilight: quick! kill the cam dude!(whacks Clawface with a Rockband guitar)

Clawface: mercy!

*a few minutes later*

Ima firin mah lazah!(clawface is blasted through the side of the tree by a large green lazar beam)

To be continued.... (right now i'm putting all the sent in tortures together! Review for a few more!)


	16. Tigerstar gets hurt

Okay one more bonus chapter. After reviewing the reviews with my team we realized that every one likes seeing Tiggy get hurt so here goes!

And it's in third person!!!

"la la la," Jayfeather was singing so he could post a video on youtube. Suddenly Tigerstar came!

"I have come,"

"La la- WTF!!! AHH WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!!"Jayfeather was in shock and fear.

"I Have come to spread the word of evil," cried the evil tabby with malicious delight! Suddenly a nuclear bomb fell from the sky and blasted Tigerstar into a different book series.

Tigerstar woke with burned fur and multiple brocken bones. A boy with a lightning bolt scar was standing above him.

"What the bloody hell just happend!?" said Ron from behind Harry.

"It looks like a cat from this book i was reading!"Exclaimed Harry," It must be magic!"

"Nahh ," Interjected Hermoine," it's just Fanfiction," with that she zapped Tigerstar into another series.

"Aww man ," cried Tigerstar," Mosshadow is writing crap about me again!" He landed in a dusty desert with towering rock spires. The sky was reddish orange and dusty. There was a booming sound of a large creature moving.

" Damn," Muttered Tigerstar," I hope this isn't a movie," Unfortunately it was as a large AT-TE walker walked over a a hill. There was a clattering noise and orangish droids came up from behind the rocks.

" Republic troops sighted, ELIMINATE!"Cried a commander droid. The driods began firing at the white cloaked twolegs running up with blaster rifles(By now you should have figured that this is star wars).

"AHH," screamed Tigerstar like the little girl he was and he ran as fast as his little legs could carry him.

"Separtist scout!" shouted a clone trooper,"Take him out!" A gunship dropped out of a cloud bank and blasted Tigerstar to a fine slightly reddish dust with it's laser turrets. The dust drifted thorugh the mish-mash of time and space and reformed in an after life. It happend that that afterlife contained several Jayfeather talk crew members.

"Okay," said Larka," start the camera for our youtube video,"

"Right,"Muttered Morgra pointing a sony video recorder.

"so we make a skit about Romeo and Juliet," Asked Khaz.

"As stupid as it sounds , yes"

"It's not stupid," Exclaimed Kipcha, who then embranced her mate.

"Ack," groaned Khaz as the Hug was a little to much.

THere was a flash! And Tigerstar reformed right infront of the camera. By now he had gone insane.

"HEY PEEPS , LOOK AT ME POLE DANCE!!! " He Cried insanely,"LA LA LAL"

Everyone was soon sickened by the highly inappropriate dance, Morgra pulled out that rather overused flamethrower and burned him to a cinder. The cinders continued pole dancing. Everyone pulled out machine guns and began firing at the explicitly dancing ashes. They finally stopped their disturbing dance. Everyone sighed.

TIgerstar who was very angry at the author for doing such wierd things to him ended up with a certain pair of cats called Bellsong and Marblestone who were actually Bella and Edward form Twilight. Due to the funny nature of this fic a reviewee had asked them to come and so they came.

"Why hello ," rasped Marblestone with malicous , demonic, vampiric evil in his cold dark eyes," i see that we have comapany, ha ha ha haa..."

"Yes indeed, he will feed us for many months, and would taste nice with rosemary, MU HA HA!,"

"Not so loud Bell my dear you will disturb all these nice little warriors fans reading about us."

"Oh Marblepoo, you are so good to me,"The two vampires forgot about Tiggy and made out.

"Umm...," Tigerstar began twitching and violenly spazzing. He was tied with strange black wisps of smoke. Soon he would be consumed and then hurt even more in the many other shows and fics that would be made about him. He realized that fanfiction could not be stopped and he would be humiliated by authors for years to come. So he did what he always did in this situation.

He took a issue of PlayTom magazine out and began to look at Sandstorm.....

The END!! ta daa! Vote for that pole and look out of this seasons final episode.


	17. The final half of Tortures

Characters list:Today's characters: Warriors: Jayfeather, Bluestar, Tigerstar, Yellowfang+everyone else later!

GGH: Twilight, Otuhlissa, Coryn+everyone else later!

Sight:Fell, Morgra, Larka,Kar+everyone else later!

Original characters!: Skull from tortured souls by Hockey10 and Wildpath from wild blood by dsrox! And Luna the wolf from Ragnerz(she appears in several fics.)

Brightclaw and Mosshadow with Leopardpool and Bramblepath somewhere back stage.

Here is part 2of the finale! Instead of a special episode this is the end of the season because I've been really falling behind on my serious fics.

Mosshadow: hi peeps! Welcome back to -

Everyone: JAYFEATHER TALK!

Jayfeather: and we are having another OC join. Her name is Luna and she is from several Eragon and Sight fanfics. Now on to what we have been waiting for, ASHFUR GETTING HIS *BLEEP* KICKED AROUND!

A female black wolf: hi!

Fell : hey, I'm co-starring with you for a fic right?

Luna: yep!

Jayfeather: okay first torture for Ashfur from Hockey10 sent in through PM .

_Hockey10_

_Brambleclaws dares Ashfur to make Chuck Norris angry!_

Brambleclaw: Yo Ash, I dare you to make Chuck angry!

Ashfur: Gulp! Okay , Chucky! You're a m*BLEEEEEEEP* and you *BLEEEEEP * Yo ma*BLEEEEEEP* and*BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*.

Wildpath:ack, *twitch twitch*(turns insane again).

Luna: *twitch*

Twilight: I like his style!

Otulissa: *slap!*

Chuck: Eat this pussy!*massive Norrisy punch!*

Ashfur is sent flying through the building behind them creating large cat shaped holes and flies off into space.

-----In space-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NASA space station: alert alert! Large pathetic object spotted. Looks furry and stupid.

Crew member: activate anti- stupid Fanfiction joke laser.

Laser turret:*points at Ashfur*

Gunner: commence firing now!

Laser turret: I'ma firin mah lazar!

Gunner: is it just me or did my gun just talk?

Ashfur: AHHHHH (is turned to Ashes)

-------------------------studio---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ashfur I hates you people!*dies*

Mosshadow: *revives*

Ashfur; aww man, I got revived!

Morgra: I'm hungry.

Mosshadow: hmmmmm.....*evil smile*

Ashfur: oh no please StarClan no!

Morgra: hey, can I eat him?

Jayfeather: *smile*

-------a few minutes later--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Morgra:*is retching very loudly*

Kar: I suppose he didn't taste too good....

Morgra: shut up before you loose your throat!Ashfur tastes like , well, ashes!(rants like she usually does )

Ashfur: I have fulfilled my name!(superman pose)

Coryn: *slap!*

Mosshadow: the next torture the reviewer was kind enough to video tape! By me she/he means her/him self

_--Video byRandomperson--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Muhahahaha! Die die die! *stabs Ashfur with an electrified cow prod*

Ashfur: Ouch! What was that for?

Me: Because I don't like you. *stabs again*

Squirrelflight: Woo! Can I kill him?

Brambleclaw: No! I want to kill him!

Me: No! I want to!

A lot more arguing later...

Me: Wait, where'd he go?

Ashfur: *running away* AH! They all want to kill me!

Me: Fine. We'll kill Kludd now.

Kludd: No! *grabs Ashfur's back and gets carried away*

Nyra: Kluddypoo! *chases*

Coryn: Die, you **! *chases with a burning stick*

Ashfur: No! Not fire! *gets set on fire* Aww. Now I'm sad.

Bluestar: Yay! Now his name has come true!

Spottedleaf: It was a prophesy from the start!

Firestar: OMG! Spottedleaf?! You're alive?! *tries to hug, but falls right through her*

Sandstorm: You do love her more! Coryn!

Coryn: Got it! *sets Firestar on fire as well*

Bluestar: Almost a prophesy name!

Sandstorm: Twilight!

Twilight: Got it! *picks up the still-on-fire Firestar and carries him up high enough that his flaming body looks as big as a star*

Bluestar: yay! A-

Twilight: *drops Firestar*

Firestar: *lands on Bluestar*

Light(from Death Note): Coryn! Twilight! Me next!

Me: Light! Being lit on fire and carried into a sky doesn't make you God! And besides, I don't think Twilight would be able to carry you.

Light: Oh. *sad*

Me: *pokes him with the cattle prod* AND THAT'S FOR KILLING L! Oh, cattleprods are also a good method of torture for absoloutely anybody. *stabs Edward with the prod with a deadly passion* I NV U 4 killing him!

Otulissa: Don't you think you should be ending this review soon? AND NO MORE KILLING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE!

Me: Pikachu!

Pikachu: Pika! *zaps Otulissa*

---------End ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Morgra: Ha ha ! (Evil sadistic grin)

Twilight: ha ha !

Wildpath: Har har!

Larka: WTF with your laugh?!

Yellowfang: okay.......

Mosshadow: ha hah, ha hah!!!!

Everyone is rolling on the ground!

Jayfeather: and while everyone is laughing like mad, Mosshadow*rolls eyes* wants to advertise his fics.

Mosshadow: yup! Okay so for after this finale, we are going to have a interview only mini-series. My team and I had plenty of uninterviewed fics, and so we'll finish them then. Luna will be joining with Jayfeather for that. And even more importantly Brightclaw up-dated her fic on my account, the pain of wounds please go and read because she's disappointed that no one has reviewed since the last update. And for me, well my Alternate ending I Killed them All is doing well so everyone go and read that!

Finally , I'M STARTING A WARRIORS HORROR FIC YAHOOO! Yeah , it's going to be about the undead,*evil smile* and expect several well, not so- popular characters to killed..... *cough*Berrynose*cough*Blackstar*.

Larka: hey, what happened to Return from beyond the Red Meadow?

Mosshadow: I working on that. Review for that too people since it's my main adventure fic and you're going to see lots of frantic fight action with Fell and Larka.

Morgra: what about me?

Mosshadow: you're in it too.

Morgra: and I already got hurt in the first chap. Do you like hurting me or something?

Mosshadow: just wait.

Ashfur: I'm ready for all the crap , you're going to chuck at me!

Jayfeather: oh yeah? Well you must talk like Yoda! Ha !

Ashfur: stupid, this is!

Bluestar; ha ha!

Jayfeather: okay, now from leafsong!

_LeafSong_

_The Guillotine. This is gonna sound harsh but if you don't know what it is look it up._

Morgra: oh yeah! Nah ha ha !!!

Twilight: okay, activate the TOW(table of wonders).

Jayfeather pressed a button on his remote and the table that always sits in the middle of the stage lighted up.

Ashfur: painful, this sounds.

Luna: I 'll pull it out, dang, it sure is heavy.

She drags the machine , with it's large chopping blade out of the table. Ashfur's head is put in the hole.

Wildpath: me wanna kill! HA HA HA !*pulls lever*HA HAH

Ashfur dies a horrible painful and sharp death. He is quickly revived.

Coryn: lets see what is next.

_IceThroat21_

_Okay, hang Ashfur by metal chains on all four paws, and have his face directly a pot of boiling lava. If he says "ANYTHING" stupid or somewhat harmful to any cat, or if you just feel like it, light the metal chains on fire and let him drop, or just get a handle and lower him some into the pot of boiling lava.  
This seems very inconvenient for the talk show, but maybe you could teleport them somewhere so that this torture would work?  
I know it's not a very good torture, but at least it's something, right? Maybe? Maybe not?  
Well, I hope you can get some more!_

Otulissa: don't worry Ice, we have all the equipment we need.

Ashfur: of this , I know not.

Fell: okay , let's get started.

Within a few minutes Ashfur is screaming like a girl being hung from the scaffolding by chains.

Morgra: and don't say anything stupid or we'll light the chains with greek fire and you'll fall through this portal underneath you into hyrath'ghar(a volcano from the Guardians of Ga'hoole). *evil laugh*

Kar: I am so sick of that laugh.

Larka:*b*bleep*h-slaps Morgra*

Morgra: hey, laughing is under freedom of speech.

Mosshadow; you're not american.

Morgra: shoot.

Tigerstar: I feel evil! Evil like pie!

Jayfeather: didn't Moss already use that joke?

Ashfur: Good is pie.

Bluestar: heyyyyy.... did he just say something stupid?

Yellowfang: why yes he did!

Morgra immediately blasts the chains with a flamethrower modified to use Greek Fire(which is a chemical mixture that burns better that tar or pitch.) The chains melt and Ashfur is set on fire too.

Ashfur: Burning, I am. Fair , this is not!

He falls through the green glowing portal into a volcano. There is a scream and a hiss.

Coryn: erm, how exactly do we revive him now?

Mosshadow; we have an atomic teleporter that will bring his pathetic remains back.

Tiggy: thats cool! And you shortened my name again.

A few minutes later Ash is back for his next humiliation, err torture.

Yellowfang: we're out.

Mosshadow: Oh. Shoot. Well then, Do it with Tig!

Ashfur: gay, I am not!

Tigerstar; oh yeah! (he runs over and does it, in front of the entire fantasy world.)

Audience: *all throw up*

Sight team: *cover each others eyes*

-------A few minutes later-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mosshadow: wait! I remember that some one sent a torture just that I can't find it on my review or Pm list. It was about making Ashy live up to his name.

Luna: that's pretty simple.

Ashfur: like this, I do not.

Morgra: FLAMETHROWER TIME!*Burns Ashfur into a pile of ashes*.

Everyone: TA-DA!

Tigerstar: I LIKE PIE!

Otulissa: you ruined it.

Kar: and repeated Mosshadow's most overused joke!

Mosshadow: oh and my polling is finished!

Brightclaw: poll for what?

Jayfeather: he made a poll for most favorite non-warriors character. Didn't you look at the bottom of every bonus story? Or just the top?

Mosshadow: and the winner is......

Insert drumroll!

Mosshadow:...... A TIE ! Between Otulissa, Fell and Morgra!

Morgra: ha suckers!

Fell: *smile*

Otulissa: Thank you readers!

Jayfeather: and so ends this season!

Mosshadow; well you and Luna are going to be sticking around for my follow up.

Luna: yay!

Jayfeather: bye guys.

Everyone: bye!

Tigerstar goes back to the dark forest along with Crazy Wildpath. Kar and Fell return to their den with Tarlar. Morgra and Larka go to Wolf Heaven. Coryn goes to the Owl Heaven. Yellowfang and Bluestar leave to their dens. Jayfeather is returned to the lake while Luna tags along with Fell. The guardians go back to the island.

Camera crew: hey what about us?

Mosshadow: just pack and leave.

The camera and stage crew clean up and leave.

Hollyleaf: ha ha you shall all die! *Presses button on cell phone*

Studio:*explodes*

Mosshadow: nice try, everyone's gone!

Hollyleaf:NOOOO! * shoots herself*

Brightclaw: NOOOO! *shoots herself*

Mosshadow: *head bash*

------------Every one at home---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Place of no stars----

Tigerstar: la la la, time to evilly plot .

Wildpath: *reads Twilight *

Everyone; thinks about evil.

Star clan----

Bluestar: oh boy, time to start making prophecies again. We better make them harder to figure out.

Yellowfang: shouldn't they be easier?

Tallstar: never! We must make-em hard!!!

Lionheart: are you sure?

Tallstar: yes! *does heil Hitler thing*

Lionheart; RACIST! *shoots Tallstar*

Wolf Heaven-----

Larka: La la la la la la !

Palla: so what are going to do today?

Morgra: there's days here? It always is bright!

Palla: thats because you sleep so early!

Morgra: WOW, so you mean for 4 months of being here I've been oblivious to the fact that Heaven has night!?

Huttser; *twitch*

Larka: *laugh*

Lake-----

Jayfeather: *emo*

Leafpool: *still grieving*

Lionblaze: when are we going to tell them that Hollyleaf is still alive?

Mosshadow: now she's dead!

Lionblaze; *gasp*

Mosshadow: she committed suicide for real!

Berrynose: Pie!!!!

Transylvania/Romania ----

Fell: I have this feeling that my aunt did something stupid.

Tarlar: I have a feeling that some one committed suicide.

Kar: I have this feeling that Mosshadow used his most overused joke again.

LarkaII: yeah sure.

The great tree-----

Twilight: LA LA LAAAAAAA*glass shattering*

Everyone: ack!

Soren: THE END!!

**So thats the end. But read the followup and my other fics please! Thanks to all those who reviewed and put me on their favorite list. Bye!**


End file.
